November 28, 2009 04:52 PM UTC

Church of the Evangelical Environmentalists

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• by: JO

( – promoted by ClubTwitty)

Repent, ye sinners! Exit your Interstate divided highway to hell… Take the next right, one quarter mile! Renounce your sinful Solitary Road Tanks! Ride in the ways of the righteous!

Oh me, oh my. Worry beads getting worn. Is there no creme, no lotion, to magic elixir to erase these lines on my knotted brow? How can it be that that with Mother Earth developing a fever, we continue to step on the accelerator?

Hark! Solutions appear on the far distant horizon! Take heed!

1) I-66, heading west from Arlington National Cemetery into the Old Dominion, is HOV all lanes! HOV in the left lane, HOV in the right lane, HOV in the center too! No lone carboys in their Souped Upyours Vehicles on this highway! AND the people have responded with measures of their own: informal pick-up points where common folk line up or stick out a thumb for a ride that will qualify the vehicle that is making the trip to travel on the new style Route 66. A nudge from Uncle Sam, or whomever, and voila! Energy usage is halved, at least for users of this highway. Can anyone dispute that US36 between the People’s Republic and Mile High is a good candidate for the same treatment? Maybe I-25 between County Line Road and Alameda, at least in peak hours? See, if you take away one choice–driving alone–other choices emerge. Ban vanilla and you get creamy caramel chocolate swirl and a dozen other flavors as well! (Of course, this all makes even more sense when you see real traffic as experienced in the Far East!)

2) Why not designate the left lanes of I-25 between Ft. Collins and Invesco Field as HOV 24/7? Megafines for getting caught by the beady, unblinking eyes of traffic cameras while driving in the left lane. Watch the buses whizz by with 40 passengers while …

The longer we wait for our Petro Flu shots to arrive from some distant point at the eastern end of I-66, the longer we will push off the Day of Reckoning. Other ideas must be out there, suitable for introducing one road at a time….