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December 20, 2021 04:42 AM MST

Joe Oltmann Thinks He Has Anthrax Now

  • by: Colorado Pols

Via reporter Heidi Beedle of the Colorado Springs Independent, we find Joe Oltmann of FEC United, Colorado’s leading promulgator of election conspiracy nuttery and armed militia-backed infiltration of the Colorado Republican Party, in a pickle that you should just read so we don’t have to explain it:

There’s a lot here, including what seems to be an implicit admission that COVID is a serious problem! This sometimes happens when the disease finally strikes close enough to home, and we wish Oltmann’s “patriot” friend a speedy recovery. Oltmann, who recently expressed his desire to hang Gov. Jared Polis and backslider Republicans, may not be the most ingratiating figure for sympathy but we don’t know his friend to judge.

What we really want to get back to, however, is this idea that Oltmann could be the victim of an “anthrax attack?” If that’s true, as readers will recall from the anthrax attacks on media and government offices in October of 2001, we assume Oltmann’s home is a Superfund site right now, with hazmat-geared first responders scrubbing everything down with bleach including Oltmann personally.

If that’s not happening then we have a plausible basis to doubt Oltmann’s claim to have been the victim of an “anthrax attack,” much like that mythical phone call that Oltmann claimed to be present for in which Denver-based Dominion Voting Systems supposedly promised the Board of Directors of Antifa they would “take care” of the election. At some point you’ve got to consider the possibility that Oltmann is not a reliable source.

From Joe Oltmann, the “Big Lie” about Dominion sprang. It has a life of its own now. Oltmann’s bogus accusations against Dominion are an essential element of the conspiracy theory embraced by a majority of Republicans in America that the 2020 election was stolen. Oltmann’s supporters have infiltrated county Republican parties as a deliberate strategy for taking over the Colorado GOP. Kristi Burton Brown, who left FEC United to run the state party, is now publicly at odds with Oltmann over Oltmann’s call to hang Gov. Polis–but it’s an open question who actually wields more power within the Colorado GOP today.

We wish everyone, even Joe Oltmann, a COVID and anthrax attack-free Christmas.

Just remember that one is much more plausible than the other.


25 thoughts on “Joe Oltmann Thinks He Has Anthrax Now

    1. Occam’s razor!!!

      It’s either sheeps or peeps . . .

      . . . his . . . (as in, those two patriot bubbas who’ve been perfecting their own homemade anthrax weapon, in between cooking batches of meth — to “defend” all the real Muricans.)

      . . . or maybe, Jewish space lasers — we still don’t know for certain all the nasty effects those produce?

  1. When life gives you lemons anthrax, . . .

    . . . so, if we can get Dr. Ron Hanks to take on this true patriot’s mission down to Florida??? . . .

    Just sayin’ . . .

    1. That other Dr. Ron – Dr. Ron DeSantis – is actually already in Florida.

      Or maybe they should call Dr. Mehmet Cengiz Oz and see if the TV doctor would make a house call for a MAGA in distress.

  2. I really hope there's no copyright on that chat? . . .

    . . . it'd make an awesome treatment for the next Jay and Silent Bob, or Harold & Kumar movie!!!

  3. Inhalation anthrax symptoms can include:

    • Fever and chills
    • Chest Discomfort
    • Shortness of breath
    • Confusion or dizziness
    • Cough
    • Nausea, vomiting, or stomach pains
    • Headache
    • Sweats (often drenching)
    • Extreme tiredness
    • Body aches

    Sound familiar?

    People with these symptoms may have COVID-19:

    • Fever or chills
    • Cough
    • Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
    • Fatigue
    • Muscle or body aches
    • Headache
    • New loss of taste or smell
    • Sore throat
    • Congestion or runny nose
    • Nausea or vomiting
    • Diarrhea
  4. Joe can be such a tease, but we can always hope. His logic makes my head spin. What was his unvaccinated, just off a family cruise vacation, buddy planning to drop in on his sick mother so he could reduce her life expectancy a few more months? And maybe if his buddy's wife were to say, get vaccinated, she could be there to comfort him and, um, get him to go to a hospital? Oh well, guess I don't understand all the ins and outs of being a true patriot.

    Personally I prefer Crunchy Frog over Anthrax Ripple.

  5. A question whose answer reveals the condition of one’s soul: Does the truth matter?

    At the final judgement, the truth will be shouted from the rooftops, and all evil will suffer the second death and burn forever. Confess, repent, and choose truth and Jesus.

    1. Feeling better now that you got that sermon off your chest?

      On behalf of the many pagans, heathens, agnostics and nonbelievers on this board, happy Solstice and Merry Yule. Celebrate responsibly.

      May the truth be revealed in the growing light of the new year and the returning of the sun, and the old lies die in the cold , crumbling earth of the old year.

    2. Didn’t Ttumpy’s once-mouthpiece Smellyanne assure us there are alternative truths? I’m a Papa Frank Catholic that just sort of hangs on the eves and is open to the possibility that God is a black woman who is going to slap the shit out of a lot of good folk who want passage through the Pearly Gates.

    3. So Sport, you think maybe you could help convince the Republicans (and Manchin, Sinema, et al) to slow down now a little bit on their incineration of this divinely created planet?  . . .

      . . . You know, just to give all the heathens time to properly repent and choose, before your eternal BBQ begins?

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