July 15, 2025 03:13 PM UTC

Boebert Calls For...Matt Gaetz...To Investigate Epstein Files--Sorry, We Just Can't

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• by: Colorado Pols

Apologies gentle readers, the utter preposterousness of what you’re about to read has temporarily overloaded our comms channels:

We deserve the truth about the Epstein Files.

I'm ready for a Special Counsel to handle this. @MattGaetz, how about it? https://t.co/cEco2orhWl

— Lauren Boebert (@laurenboebert) July 15, 2025

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past several years, former Rep. Matt Gaetz resigned from Congress while very temporarily Donald Trump’s nominee to serve as the next Attorney General, in an unsuccessful attempt to forestall the release of a House Ethics Committee report that found “substantial evidence” Gaetz paid for sex with a person under the legal age of consent–immortalized by Kendrick Lamar as paying to “strike a chord that’s probably A minor.”

We’re inclined to agree that a Special Counsel to sort out whatever is going on with the investigation into the life, crimes and death of former close Trump associate Jeffrey Epstein is necessary at this point, especially after what could be the most spectacular bungling of a criminal investigation by Trump’s top law enforcement lieutenants in American history. But to suggest that Matt Gaetz, with all of his attendant baggage on the subject of sex with underage women, would be an appropriate choice to be that Special Counsel bends reason past the breaking point.

Either Boebert is really this clueless, or more devious than we could have ever imagined. We’ll leave it to readers to decide.