February 05, 2025 10:23 AM UTC

"America's Hangman" For Governor, Anyone?

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• by: Colorado Pols

One of the more colorful, and by that we mean unapologetically insane figures in Colorado politics our readers know well is election conspiracy theorist and gun store owner Joe Oltmann, the respondent in a defamation suit stemming from Oltmann’s fictional account of a conversation in which a Dominion Voting Systems executive supposedly made promises to throw the 2020 election to Joe Biden. Oltmann’s tall tale became the nucleus of a massive but baseless conspiracy theory pushed by Donald Trump’s 2020 election denial team, and helped motivate now-imprisoned Mesa County Clerk Tina Peters to breach election system security in a failed attempt to provide evidence backing Trump’s allegations up. Oltmann gained notoriety in years since with his threats to hang politicians he disagrees with from “gallows all the way from Washington, D.C., to California.”

But with Trump back in the White House, Oltmann may be attempting an about-face from politician hangman to…politician? Oltmann’s recent musings on the subject got our attention:

What if I ran for Governor of Colorado… did the same thing they are doing at the federal level and return 50-60-70% of your tax dollars back to you. Divert waste back to education and give those in the inner city a fighting chance with true resources for the poor and disadvantaged. Remove for profit prison systems, reform education standards by getting rid of unions. Stop funding schools in any way that have billion dollar endowments. Privatize government pensions just like the private sectors and eliminate the massive bonuses paid to government workers… build state mental institutions that address long term needs for the mentally ill, remove toll roads and ban foreign private equity firms profiteering from the people on our road and infrastructure. Review government contracts for bloat and ban those who through an audit are found to be egregiously charging for coffee cups or services not rendered. And what if we hold the public defenders (public pretenders) office responsible for the lives they have ruined by forcing pleas on innocent people.

Basically go full blown DOGE on the state of Colorado. Imagine if we did this all over the country.

Lastly, what if in all this we eliminated property tax on anyone who is over the age of 60.

How much sushi is Polis buying? Imagine the institutional rot these people represent…

What if… while I ponder true retribution against the antifa judge and the bullshit media. I’ll leave this with you.

“Bringing DOGE home to the states” is a popular Republican talking point right now, though we’d say its popularity by the next election is much harder to predict. Either way, while it’s refreshing to hear Oltmann discuss a subject other than hanging people he doesn’t like, we remain afraid that vesting executive power in a guy like Oltmann would bring out his latent desire for, in Oltmann’s own words, “true retribution” against his many enemies.

It would have been better to leave that part out, but that’s not how Joe Oltmann rolls.