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January 10, 2019 12:08 PM UTC

The Gardner Shuffle

  • by: Colorado Pols

UPDATE: Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell blocks a move by Senate Democrats to hold a vote on reopening the federal government.


Come on everybody, gather ’round! Grab your partner and head on over to the dance floor for “The Gardner Shuffle.”

Just follow these simple instructions…


Make national headlines by saying that you want to end the government shutdown to show the rubes that you are a bipartisan moderate superhero:

As The Hill reported on January 3, 2019:

Sen. Cory Gardner (R-Colo.), who faces a potentially tough re-election in 2020, says Congress should re-open the federal government, even without a deal on funding President Trump’s border wall.

Gardner is the first Senate Republican to call for ending the partial shutdown even without a deal on President Trump’s demand for $5 billion to fund a border wall.

“I think we should pass a continuing resolution to get the government back open. The Senate has done it last Congress, we should do it again today,” he said…



Minimize the daylight between you and President Trump when your right-wing base gets angry that you suggested ending the shutdown without resolution on a border wall.

From the Colorado Springs Gazette (January 5, 2019):

Despite the firestorm that erupted when he became the first Republican senator to call for reopening the federal government, Colorado’s Cory Gardner said Friday that he hasn’t changed his position on shutdowns…

…“This is the same position I have had,” Gardner said. “I don’t think shutdowns are the right way to govern.”

Gardner said he supports Trump’s demand for $5.6 billion to build a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. [Pols emphasis] But, he said, the GOP should reopen the government, then resume the fight over border security, putting Democrats on the defensive.

NOTE: You may need to pretend that you didn’t hear the question when you get asked about previous statements in opposition to building a border wall



Tell conservative audiences that President Trump has your full support and blame the government shutdown on Democrats (nevermind that Trump has repeatedly taken ownership of the shutdown).

Here’s Gardner on the “Steffan Tubbs Show” on KNUS on Wednesday (January 9, 2019):

“The President is right to be fighting for more border security dollars. I don’t understand the opposition today, other than it’s just opposition to the President…

…I made a comment several weeks ago where I said that it seems like what we’re seeing out of the House of Representatives is a ‘revenge majority,’ A majority that is simply going to oppose everything because it comes from President Trump.”


Do-si-do, or whatever.



8 thoughts on “The Gardner Shuffle

  1. :note:

    When Cory and Trump converse about walls
    They get that tingling up in their balls
    They love generating a shut-down kerfuffle
    And they punch their clowns doin' the Gardner Shuffle

    Hey Don! Hey Don!
    (Hey Don! Hey Don!)
    I said, a-nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk
    (nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk)

    They never miss a chance
    To take down their pants
    And do the Gardner Shuffle


  2. I don't think this is the dance judge results Cory was hoping for …

    Public Policy Polling: January 7-8 , 2019 Colorado Survey Results

    Do you approve or disapprove of Senator Cory Gardner’s job performance?

         30% Approve.  47% Disapprove.  23% Not sure.

    Does Senator Gardner’s support of President Trump’s plan to keep the government closed if he doesn’t get funding for a border wall make you more or less likely to support him in his next election or does it not make a difference?

    37% More likely 49% Less likely 13% Doesn’t make a difference 1% Not sure

  3. Ben Mathis-Lilley from Slate puts the "Wall" into perspective:

    Could There Be a Slower Response to an Actual “Invasion” at the Border Than Laboriously Building a 1,000-Mile Wall?

    Let’s stipulate that there actually has recently been a dramatic and threatening increase, as Donald Trump claims, in the number of gang members, terrorists, and drug smugglers passing undetected across the U.S.-Mexico border in unprotected parts of the desert. There hasn’t been, but let’s be generous stipulators. Then let’s take a step back to ask: Even if everything Trump says about this “invasion“-level influx of criminals is true, could there be any slower and less urgent response to it than approving partial funding to eventually erect a 700-to-900 mile wall that will have to be built, after a complicated process of land acquisition, through remote wilderness?

    But it's a national emergency, right?  If this $25+billion boondoggle ever gets built, by then, I think *rump will not just be out of office, he might have departed this earth as well.  I fully expect him to pull a Cass Elliot and one day is found slumped over holding a half-eaten Big Mac in bed.

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