September 10, 2010 05:12 PM UTC

Maes Hints at Further Super-Secret Revelations: Possibly Jedi Knight?

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• by: ClubTwitty

“…[T]his is not just political war, folks, this is a spiritual battle,” he said. “There is evil out there. When I interact with some of these people, I can feel the evil. They’re not evil people, but evil finds its way into the system. And we must stand and fight this to the end.”  

Dan ‘Undercover’ Maes, Durango Herald, September 10, 2010

As documented in the Herald, Dan spent most of his 90-minute talk at a Durango appearance explaining away his many missteps, misstatements and mistakes–no doubt inspiring confidence in the assembled electorate with charm and sound reasoning:

“I think what’s happening is some of you are saying to yourself, ‘Uh-oh, something’s not right about this guy. He’s the same as everyone else,'” he told the overflow crowd gathered at the Church of Christ on Florida Mesa.

But, as usual, Maes holds all the cards.  He is in possession, dear readers, of an email that “vindicates” him in that minor ‘undercover’ affair next door. Dan let slip that he holds (at an undisclosed location) the magic missive that will finally vanquish the Dark Side.  

Maes admits he is having some difficulties getting over his very public break up with GOP-has been John Andrews, who now claims he’ll be writing in his own failed candidate this time around. But people change and relationships are complicated.  Dan holds out hope that things can be patched up.  And Agent candidate Maes has something big up his sleeve.

Maes said an Associated Press writer spent two days in Liberal on assignment. He said he is waiting to see what kind of story emerges before releasing his “trump card.”

I can imagine that such an email must be powerful, to wash the unfortunate stink of incompetence off of Dan Maes, a stink cooked up in the cauldrons of other people, evil people, or at least unwitting evil-doers.  

In a different article we learn that Maes’ ‘voluntary treasurer’ is leaving the campaign.  But Nate ‘Best Job on Earth’ Strauch assures us that it is not what it appears.  The wheels are not falling off the bus, the ‘voluntary treasurer’ is just tired with the commute.  We all know that the roads in El Paso County are a little, ummm, rough.  

That’s just good government, folks, and once Dan is in office the rest of the state will be similarly privileged.  Hell, Governor Maes might just start his Day 1 Job Massacre with CDOT!  He’s not telling, to keep those bureaucrats on their toes.  

Because Dan is undercover.  And when, or rather if, he chooses to reveal the secret email that will dash all dastardly doubts, we will all see how lucky we are.  Meanwhile, keep expecting him to spend his time explaining why he is not the losing candidate he appears.