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February 20, 2009 04:31 PM UTC

Open Line Friday!

  • by: Colorado Pols

“President Barack Obama cannot kill the spirit of America.”

–Rush Limbaugh


17 thoughts on “Open Line Friday!

  1. Joan filed a lawsuit against the previous sheriff for gender discrimination about a year ago.  She had seen lesser qualified men that she once supervixed promoted to become her supervisors.  She is either the first or almost the first woman to become a deputy in this department.

    Here’s today’s newspaper story.

    Almost all of that money, BTW, will go to the lawyers.  (Good career call, Steve!)

    My sister learned well from our mother.  During WWII she worked for Sears and got a bonus along with the other workers, all men.  They were paid much, much more, she found out.  She stormed into her boss’s office and asked why.  “You’re a woman, of course.”  She picked up a pen and scrawled on her check, “I QUIT!” hard enough to imprint his desk.  “No, no.  I’ll have you a new check before the end of the day.”

    Here’s to you, Lilly!

  2. A woman in a hot air balloon realized s he was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

    The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.30 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.30 minutes west longitude.”

    She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

    “I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct , but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

    The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Democrat.”

    “I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

    “Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it is my fault!

    I’ll post a Dem favorable joke when one of the family sends one over.

    1. While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

      “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

      “No problem, just let me in.” says the Republican.

      “Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up.   What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

      “Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the Republican head of state.

      “I’m sorry but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.   In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people.   They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

      They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator

      rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

      “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

      “Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

      He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: “Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”

      So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.

      “I don’t understand,” stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

      The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning.  Today you voted for us!”

    2. That joke has ten million variations. Sadly, most of them aren’t funny. (In the version I heard, it’s a mathematician in the field below, which has a little humor in it.)

      Here’s my favorite “tell me what you do and I’ll tell you who you are” joke.

      A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.

      First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

      The Physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”.

      The Biologists conclusion: “They have reproduced”.

      The Mathematician: “If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again.”

  3. A casualty of the GM reorg is the Saturn brand – the one with the high customer service ranking, excellent sales people and damn decent cars.

    So, I buy a well-made American hybrid from a US company – and the company goes under because the customer satisfaction is too high.

    My next American-made car will be a Honda, Nissan or BMW…

  4. It’s common knowledge that LBJ and Bobby Kennedy didn’t like each other, a relationship that only became more contentious after JFK was assassinated and Bobby was then Attorney General with LBJ as his boss. One day an aid to LBJ asked him why he just didn’t fire Kennedy and be done with him since he served at his pleasure in the cabinet. LBJ looked at his aid and said in that deep Texas drawl, “Because I’d rather have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in”

      1. I read this many years ago in some book, can’t remember which. Maybe “The Tragedy of Lyndon Johnson” by Eric Goldman.

        Anyway its far more believable with RFK rather than the Hump, because Humphrey was an ally of Johnson and no threat to him, whereas RFK was certainly a thorn in Johnson’s side. Hoover would make more sense because of all the dirt he had on everyone, but I don’t think anyone would suggest getting rid of him for just that reason.  

  5. Get a phone call at 6:30 this morning from one of my sales reps – “uh, I think we’ve been robbed.”

    Go tearing on in and yep, we’ve been robbed (or actually it was a burglary). They hit us and 2 other companies in the building.

    It actually wasn’t that bad – they got scared off by something part way through and didn’t touch the servers so with an hour of unpacking backup computers and passing a couple used by interns to full time employees, we were up and running.

    But it could have been really bad. If they had cleaned us out we would have been down for a couple of days and everyone in IT, sales support, & development would have been spending 2 – 3 days setting everything up again.

    For companies that are cleaned out the damage is a lot more than the stuff that needs to be replaced. People who do this are job killers.

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