There’s all sorts of funny in this “article” in something called The North Fork Merchant Herald about a potential HD-61 candidate named Matt Soper. The point of this user-submitted piece (probably written by Soper himself) is to generate some buzz about his potential candidacy as a Republican, and it made us laugh out loud.
First, check out the lede:
Matt Soper (R-Austin), a fourth generation Coloradoan, is considering a run for the Colorado House of Representatives, District 61.
Um, you don’t normally identify yourself as (R-[Some Town]) until you have actually been elected — but definitely not until you are actually a candidate. Right now, Matt, you’re just a guy who lives in Austin, Colorado.
But that’s not the best part of the story. This is where we spit milk out of our nose:
Mr Soper’s mother was an elementary school teacher for 40 years and his father a semi-truck. [Pols emphasis]
There’s a picture of Soper’s proud papa on the right. Or, at least, what we guess he might have looked like. He was a semi-truck, but maybe he’s changed.
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You just don’t have any imagination.
That’s how much of a GOP badass he is. His Dad is OPTIMUS FUCKING PRIME.
Check out that package, too! (swoon)
glow plug, the light of his fathers headlights
Jake brake, the only sound his had for years was a backfire
king pin, he held the family together with dad gone and mom at school
.
.
.
Which means Mom would have gotten under Mack somehow to slap tailpipes, like the story of Catherine the Great and her horse. I digress.
Cummings joke in there, . . . but it’s probably best not to go there.
“… like the story of Catherine the Great and her horse. I digress.”
I actually have his business card from one day when he was pimping Suthers here in Grand Junction and I ran into him in the post office.
What a fucking tool.
Be sure to check out his blog.
I’m certainly willing to entertain the possibility. The one whose card I have is quite young.
“young” is relative.
Is that a neighborhood in Austin, Colorado?
Is there such a place as Austin, Colorado? (Never mind, I’ll check mapquest or google maps in a moment.)
It will give you a link to his Facebook page. Check out his pictures…
It’s just east of Delta on Highway 92. Population 1,768.
Thanks.
That guy’s 20 years older than the candidate. He’s writing about his 30th HS reunion.
Matt Soper has decided not to run, and has endorsed the announced Republican candidate for HD61.
Been laughing non-stop! Barely able to see through my tears to type! His father was a semi-truck! Hahahahahaha.
And he’s a Republican from Austin! Hahahaha. Must not even have access to the NYT stylebook out there, so as to appear as a Big City sophistikate an’ all. Imagine, R-Austin! Hahahahaha. That wouldn’t be anywhere in the vicinity of The Cultural Mecca, Grand Junction, would it? Nah, couldn’t be! Why, his father wouldn’t have been allowed to park in the bedroom in Grand Junction, right? Hahahaha. I suppose his mother was a pickup! The father used to trail ‘er home from Delta! Hahahaha.
Dontcha just love to make fun of guys whose fathers drove a truck for a living, errr, I mean, whose fathers were semi-trucks? Hahahaha.
Yessiree, politicks is for serious folk. Don’t need no sons-of-trucks puttin’ out no press releases from there in Metropolitan Delta. Nosiree! Not when we got serious folk lookin’ out for interestin’ things to discuss and post witticisms and insights about. Hahahahaha.
Typos are funny.
I’d rather not be troubled with having to avoid your posts in threads that I read.
If you spit the milk out your nose, I suppose it justifies your childlike comments. I met him during a trip into Denver a little while back and found him to be a highly intelligent individual, proud of his Colorado heritage. I suppose if you even knew the guy then you would be better informed – as you clearly haven’t then i would suggest keeping to your website and let others get on with trying to make a difference.