Occupy Denver Sprouts New Movement: Occupy H&M

The Occupy Wall Street movement has a new, tactful cousin in Denver. After around two months of demonstrations, marches, camping and riots, a new occupation has bloomed on the 16th Street Mall.

Hundreds have camped outside of brand-new retailer H&M, bringing much needed energy to the Occupy Denver protesters. Protesters have blocked Glenarm between 15th and 16th due to the girth of the crowd.


Despite their relative proximity to each other, the separate movements aren’t short on differences.

The most striking is that after 24 continuous hours of camping on the pedestrian mall, police presence is minimal and riot cops haven’t been sighted.

Some believe that the lack of repetitious, annoying chants, drum circles and yelling has played a role. “After yelling, ‘We are the 99%,’ for three hours, I thought I might walk over to H&M for a change of pace,” said Denver resident Jerry Halworth. Curiously absent are people yelling about some “keystone pipeline”, End The Fed or something incomprehensible about capitalism.

Others believe the extremely trendy, tasteful and stylish dress of the protesters contributed to the absence of armed riot police and tear gas bombs. Almost every protester seemed to have bathed, lacked body odor and didn’t appear to have any dirt on their faces.

In a clear rebuke of Occupy Denver’s tent system, Occupy H&M protesters have decided to go bigger and better. In place of “The Thunderdome” meal tent and squalid encampments, H&M is catering the entire damn thing, probably with fancy tapas or something.

In fact, the Occupy H&M protest has over 25 tents, all with fancy Swedish crap that’s so cultured and cultivated that it’s painful.

From 9 News:

“The best part for me is all the tents we’ll have on Glenarm over this way. Over 25 vendors will be here, including the Denver Art Museum, Art Institute of Colorado and many more,” Schimek said.

The event, called Street Style, will also feature five runway shows…

Occupy Denver organizers couldn’t be reached for comment on whether they will be adopting “Street Style” in place of the lack of fashion style that has plagued the movement.

Prominent Republicans have accused the Swedish of bankrolling the protesters, using the recent protest at the Ikea opening as precedence.

Conversely, Liberals have accused protesters of not being in the 99% for buying from such sophisticated and trendy fashion store. “Hey, I’m here because it’s cheap, too! It’s a rough economy,” said Thornton mom Linda Turner. “And plus, it’s Swedish.”

(Courtesy Westword for the photo)

8 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. dmindgo says:

    Hilarious in a disturbing way.

    Good satire.

  2. Car 31 says:

    Protesters have blocked Glenarm between 15th and 16th due to the girth of the crowd.

    Those are some big protesters.

    And I agree, the fashion sense of Occupy Denver sucks. The blue plastic tarp look went out in the 70’s people.

    As soon as some Gucci and something else fashiony appears, I’m there occupyin’. ‘Til then, go check out the H&M Occupation for some pointers.

  3. WitnessProtectionForGeeks says:

    but I wish some of the protesters would occupy a shower for just a little bit.

  4. sxp151 says:

    Cutting edge, rork!

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