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August 05, 2010 10:42 PM UTC

Dan Maes Will Not Rest Until...He Figures Out What He's Talking About

  • by: Colorado Pols

Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes got a lot of attention yesterday for his concern over a U.N. plot to force people to ride bicycles and take showers and…something.

We really couldn’t even explain the Maes conspiracy theory enough to make fun of it, but as it turns out, neither can Maes. From The Steamboat Pilot:

“What I’m going on is based on limited information,” Maes told the Steamboat Pilot & Today on Wednesday. “On the surface, the program looks great. But this is a U.N. program the mayor has signed on to.”

Maes said Wednesday that his remarks had been made in the context of a question asking him what strategy he would use to defeat Hickenlooper in the general election.

“I met a woman at a campaign event who handed me a very well-documented portfolio” about the International Council for Environmental Initiatives, Maes said. “I have not had time to study all of the portfolio. I have to learn more about it. We’ve just scratched the surface.” [all bolding is Pols’ emphasis]

Uh, yeah. So in other words, Maes is basing his entire conspiracy theory on a bunch of documents that some woman he doesn’t know handed him at a campaign event.

At this point, we kind of hope that Maes does get elected Governor. It would be great fun to see him get on a soapbox about something every time a person handed him an unmarked envelope full of nonsense information.

It has come to my attention recently that certain members of the state legislature are actually aliens from the planet Zog. Rest assured, my fellow Coloradans, that this will be investigated thoroughly…as soon as I finish reading this packet of information someone handed me.


23 thoughts on “Dan Maes Will Not Rest Until…He Figures Out What He’s Talking About

  1. Republicans are in a world of hurt with BOTH of their gubernatorial candidates.

    There is, however, a solution:

    1) Get rid of Maes the whackjob by voting for Scottie the plagiarist;

    2) Have Scottie stand down after winning the primary. Just like he did to the Hasan Family Foundation, he can tell the GOP he has other work he needs to attend to.

    3) DickWad & Co. can import Basil Marceaux to be the party’s standard bearer in November.

    Voila! There IS a light at the end of the GOP’s dark tunnel!

    1. “Stop traffic stops!”

      “Plant grass(medically approved?) across the state.”

      “Everyone carries guns” (Super Soakers sound like fun!  but remember, “…if you kill someone, though, you get murdered and go to jail,” per Gov. Marceaux.

      and best is BM will, “make it all freer than you were yesterday!”

      D. Wadhams could surely find a place for good ole Basil in his GOP barnyard.  

  2. What I’m going on is based on limited information . . . I met a woman at a campaign event who handed me a very well-documented portfolio . . . I have not had time to study all of the portfolio. I have to learn more about it. We’ve just scratched the surface.

    and this gem from yesterday

    This has been a bit of a big deal in Fort Collins.  . . .  I haven’t looked into it too much, because I don’t really care that much,  . . .  Here’s some links to get you started.

    Bird(brain)s of a feather?

      1. he’d probably mewl and squeal, send letters to Alva, and intentionally misinterpret my use of some word for pastry product as an insult to his severely limited intelligence.

        Oh shit, were you asking about Dan?  Never mind.

  3. AG Suthers debated Garnett on Sirota’s show earlier this week.  During show, Suthers claimed, “We have situations now where dorms at CU have discount arrangements with particular dispensaries.”

    Boulder’s Daily Camera quickly debunked the claim.

    What’s priceless is GOP AG Suthers explaining away the lie by admitting it was based on hearsay whereby he didn’t know the name of the woman, the dorm or the dispensary, but nonetheless he believed it to be true.

    Guess it’s just fine for AG Johnny to spout fiction over facts.  Not a redeeming quality in an AG.


  4. the original piece my very first thought was “this is what happens when you go to too many of those stupid Republican breakfasts…” You end up in this tiny, and limited world where everyone THERE thinks the same way and you start to believe that they’re the majority. (Note how often Tancredo will comment on how “everybody” he talks to opposes immigration…)

  5. We live in a time when people don’t feel any moral compunction to do actual scholarship anymore. It doesn’t matter whether anything is true: just say it loud and long enough, and that’s all that matters:

    – The U.S. government intentionally infected Native Americans with smallpox.

    – Barack Obama is a Muslim.

    – The United Nations is out to force us all to ride bicycles.

    – Illegal immigrants are coming across the border to kill you, me and our grandparents.

    – Elena Kagan is a lesbian.

    – There is no man-made climate change.

    – You can keep cutting taxes and still do away with the deficit.

    And on and on and on. It’s an age when some emotional huckster with a blackboard and a microphone can pretend to be a college professor. When some know-nothing from Wasilla says she reads “all” the magazines, spouts nonsense about “mama grizzlies,” and claims to be qualified to be president.

    It’s kind of understandable that Scott McInnis would think it’s OK to crib stuff Greg Hobbs wrote and pass it off as his own: isn’t that what we all do when we link to other articles?

    And it’s totally understandable that people like Alvin Greene and Basil feel they’re qualified to be in public office. It doesn’t matter what reality is anymore: all you have to do is be very loud and authoritative as you make shit up.

    1. but there isn’t an honest person out there who won’t admit that there’s something awfully creepy about all those portly boomers stuffed into black spandex for their daily trek to Starbucks.

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