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November 01, 2017 02:25 PM UTC

...Or Maybe Papa John's Pizza Just Sucks

  • by: Colorado Pols

We interrupt our usual chit-chat to bring you this message from Papa John’s Pizza CEO John Schnatter, about why his company is losing market value faster than benched Denver Broncos QB Trevor Siemian:

During a post-earnings conference call this week, John Schnatter — better known as the CEO (and spokesman) of Papa John’s — told reporters and shareholders that the cause for the company’s lackluster performance in recent months has nothing to do with its food or customer service, but rather the NFL’s handling of the protests during the national anthem.

“The NFL has hurt us by not resolving the current debacle to the players’ and owners’ satisfaction,” he said during the call, according to Bloomberg. “NFL leadership has hurt Papa John’s shareholders.” The NFL came up over 40 times during the conference call.

To even the most casual viewer at home, Schnatter might be among the more recognizable faces during game broadcasts. Papa John’s has been one of the league’s most visible sponsors for years, and Schnatter has made a point of inserting himself into the company’s ad campaigns alongside a rotating cast of NFL stars, most notably Peyton Manning (who retired after the 2015 season and now owns a group of Papa John’s franchises in the Denver area).

This isn’t the first time Papa Johns CEO John Schnatter has gotten political to make excuses for his business–in 2012, he predicted that the Affordable Care Act would raise the price of pizza, but then cut worker’s hours to avoid having to give them benefits (and raised the price of his pizza anyway).

With that said, it still seems pretty unlikely that dissatisfaction with the National Football League over recent protests by NFL players during the national anthem is why Papa John’s lackluster third quarter earnings sent their stock into a tailspin. Pizza, after all, is sold on every day of the week–and factors from changing American diets to proliferating food delivery options can certainly explain a decline in Papa John’s fortunes as well or better than scapegoating free speech. We suppose it’s possible that Peyton Manning’s Denver-area Papa John’s franchises are feeling it a little more this year since the Broncos are playing touch football.

But the real problem here in our view is that Papa John’s pizza crust is too mushy, the cheese is too rubbery, and the sauce is too sweet.


17 thoughts on “…Or Maybe Papa John’s Pizza Just Sucks

  1. But the real problem here in our view is that Papa John’s pizza crust is too mushy, the cheese is too rubbery, and the sauce is too sweet.

    Truth. There is no room for debate of discussion on those point. Papa John's pizza has always been straight up awful. The notion that PJ's product is worth buying was the sole result of advertising. Like the Kardashians, PJ's is 100% substance-free, famous exclusively for being famous.

    Schnatter needs to shut his sissy boy cake hole and take his Galtian free market ass whooping like a man.

  2. ANTIFA!


    Its them malcontents on their knees! Inmates I believe is the term de jour among the owning class.


    The real story here is Hillary Clinton, and the corrupt Clinton Administration selling 20% of our nuclear capacity to Russkies for magic beans and blow jobs!



    1. Do you think that with that tax break he'll give $4,000 raises to all his employees?

      Nah, probably not.

      I can think of an easier way for his employees to earn more… raise the minimum wage to $15/hr. A $5/hour raise would be $10,000 per year.

      1. ParkHill, your math assumes a 40 hour work week.  Don't forget Papa John restricts his employees to part time so he can cheat them out of health care.

        Slave labor and a weakened America.  Papa John's.

        1. Remember also that a large number of these workers are high school kids.  In a way, Schnatter is performing an educational service . . .

          . . . teaching today’s kids how Republicans and their corporatist overlords will always be there to screw them over throughout their entire working lives, while their bosses take dumps in golden toilets.

    1. Your friends and co-workers deserve better. 

      Pappa Murphys!  

      Choose your favorite as a base, and then custom dress them up a little at home.  (I usually add fresh chopped chives, sliced kalmata olives, a little fresh shredded parmesan, and some chopped preserved lemon) — easy peasy, fresh, hot and tasty, crust cooked to your exact personal preference!

      I keep a couple in my freezer for those late night guests who might be craving pizza, bar apres. 

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