Scott Gessler Announces “Honey Badges” for Volunteers

4/2 POLS UPDATE: For future reference, please note the posted date of this story. Thank you.

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Honey BadgeColorado's controversial Secretary of State, Scott Gessler, today launched a volunteer drive for his reelection campaign by announcing what he's calling "Honey Badges," wearable tokens of Gessler's esteem to be presented for volunteer-hour milestones. Not satisfied with autographing his "Honey Badger" Westword cover for campaign donors, the SoS will offer Honey Badges as rewards for volunteer tasks throughout his reelection campaign. Volunteers who collect Honey Badges can redeem them for prizes at various levels. 

Apparently amused by critics who coined the "Honey Badger" moniker as a reference to Gessler's alleged disregard for numerous ethical standards of his office, the Secretary of State told reporters this morning, "I'm just going to run with it, you know? There's no such thing as bad publicity–I mean, if you know what to do with it. After I'm through with public service, I'm thinking of hiring the Westword editorial board to do PR for my law practice." Gessler wore a Honey Badge on his own lapel for the hastily organized press conference on the lawn of Westminster's beloved Butterfly Pavilion.

Gessler supporters and members of the press received a one-sheet handout detailing a few tasks that will earn Honey Badges for volunteers, as well as a smattering of possible rewards: 

 

How to earn Honey Badges:

  • Walk one precinct = 1 Honey Badge
  • Place three yard signs = 1 Honey Badge
  • One 4-hour shift registering voters in Highland's Ranch or Ken Caryl = 1 Honey Badge
  • One 4-hour shift registering voters in Pueblo or Five Points = -2 Honey Badges
  • Call 50 voters = 1 Honey Badge
  • Donate $25 = 1 Honey Badge
  • Letter published in The Denver Post impugning motives of Colorado Ethics Commission = 5 Honey Badges
  • Change your Facebook profile pic to Gessler logo = 1 Honey Badge (3 if volunteer is Hispanic)

Redeem your Honey Badges for:

  • Autographed Honey Badger Westword = 2 Honey Badges
  • Private tour of Secretary of State's office = 5 Honey Badges
  • Private tour of Scott Gessler's private legal practice (only available as an add-on with purchase of SoS office tour!) = 3 Honey Badges
  • Your photo taken with the Secretary of State = 2 Honey Badges
  • Retain active voter status and receive absentee ballot despite skipping midyear & municipal election = 10 Honey Badges 
  • Scott Gessler will "like" the Facebook status of your choice = 15 Honey Badges
  • Dunk the Secretary of State in the non-toxic liquid or gel of your choice = 100 Honey Badges

 

Happy Honey hunting, Badgers!

About ProgressiveCowgirl

Colorado native, young professional, progressive cowgirl. 4-term FPE (aka masochist).

5 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. ArapaGOP says:

    Is this an April Fool joke? You should probably say so.

    • ProgressiveCowgirl says:

      Oh man, he left you off the press release list? 🙁 I'm sorry, Arapa. At least the checks are still clearing, I hope? I'm sure it was just an oversight. Maybe it's in your junk email folder?

    • DavidThi808 says:

      What's hilarious is you're asking, not stating. Shows how even you believe Gessler might do something like this.

      • harrydoby says:

        One 4-hour shift registering voters in Pueblo or Five Points = -2 Honey Badges

        This is probably what confused Arap — while it sounded about right as a disincentive to the volunteers, he probably wondered why Gessler would say that publicly.  You know, like the Romney volunteer only registering Republican leaning new voters.

    • BlueCat says:

      I thought you w knew all the stuff we don't know, ArapG.

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