September 25, 2023 11:21 AM UTC

Up Inside Desperate Jon Caldara's Latest Stinky Stunt

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• by: Colorado Pols

Newer readers can be forgiven for not knowing the name Jon Caldara, the decades-long frontman for the conservative Independence Institute–an organization that has declined in relevance with the sagging fortunes of Colorado Republicans generally. Caldara’s fire has been stolen in recent years with new organizations springing up like the Common Sense Institute soaking up corporate donor dollars, while the MAGA grassroots right ignores the stodgy Independence Institute to fund more alluring priorities like Tina Peters’ legal defense.

Well folks, nothing brings out the desperate stunts like a crisis of relevancy! In a press release this morning, Colorado’s oldest cheap political trickster, who almost got prosecuted a decade ago for trying (and failing) to break Colorado election laws, announced what could be his most malodorous prank ever literally and figuratively:

Jon Caldara, President of Independence Institute, like so many other people who run businesses and organizations in Denver, has had enough of cleaning up the litter, trash, bottles, syringes, urine, vomit, and human fecal matter left by the homeless who trespass on private property.

It is a near daily chore to clean up after the homeless at our beautiful Independence Institute building because the leaders of Denver refuse to enforce the law on urban camping, trespassing, and a host of other crimes…

At 1:00 PM on Monday September 25th, 2023, Jon Caldara will drop some of the human excrement he has picked up from the grounds of the Independence Institute and drop it on the steps of City and County Building because quite simply, “we have had enough of this shit.” [Pols emphasis]

You’re reading this right: this afternoon, Jon Caldara intends to deposit human feces obtained by processes unknown on the steps of Denver’s City and County Building. As you can see, Caldara claims that the human feces he plans to leave on the steps of city hall were gifted to him in turn by persons experiencing homelessness, who left them on the grounds the Independence Institute’s so-called “Freedom Embassy” headquarters on East 17th Avenue in Denver.

One big problem with Caldara’s claim that persons unknown are defecating on the property of the Independence Institute is the lack of homeless encampments in the immediate area around their headquarters, which like any place named after “Freedom” is also fenced in and festooned with security cameras. We should allow for the possibility of individuals copping a proverbial squat next to the statue of Thomas Jefferson, but that would be more of a political protest. Either way, it’s far from the most inviting location for doing the most essential of excretory duties.

The main takeaway here is that short of a DNA test, no one has any way of verifying conclusively where the poo Jon Caldara is bringing to Denver city hall actually came from. The only thing we do know is that the moment Caldara relocates the poo in question to the steps of city hall he becomes the poo-flinger, just like trying to commit vote fraud made Caldara a vote fraudster. That’s how it works when you need so badly for something to happen that you go ahead and do it yourself.

With that, Caldara can go on with his bad self in full view of the potential consequences.

Just don’t be surprised if the only people who “give a shit” are the Denver Police.