My husband received a flier in the mail yesterday from Congressman Mike Coffman. My husband is a died-in-the-wool Democrat and would sooner eat a box full of living ladybugs than vote for a Tea Party Congressman (and he’s a vegetarian!). Our home has four registered Dems — me, my husband, and our two college age sons (our high school aged son is too young to vote). Clearly the Coffman campaign is targeting Democratic men in his age group — no one else in the family received the hilarious mail piece which reads:
While you were out, Mike Coffman tried to call you…
“I regularly hold tele-townhall meetings in order to know what’s important to you and to better represent you i Washington.”
It then goes on to say, “Mike Coffman / More Transparency in Washington”. The only other things on the simplistic mailpiece are a photo of the Tea Partier , and an enormous red telephone — the kind Batman used to call the Commissioner — minus the flashing button.
On the back, there is a photo of Mike Coffman talking to four business women in black suits, who all look like they just attended a funeral (nice grab at the women’s vote, Mike). The caption reads that they are talking about Anthem College (Anthem what?). Next to the photo is a fake letter listing his bogus top four issues, including, “Saving Medicare and Social Security, Reforming Congress, Cutting Congressional Spending, and Improving Job Growth and the Economy”.
No, I did not wet my pants laughing, nor did I choke on my dinner as we read the mail, although I certainly could have done so.
1. No, Mike Coffman, you didn’t try to call me. I have Caller ID. We have 5 people living in our house, each with a different schedule. If you tried to call, we’d know it. If you tried to call every one of your constituents, surely you would have reached some. Why would you then need to do a mass mailing with a computerized address field? Do you think voters in S. Aurora are stupid? Lie #1
2. What is a Tele-town hall? Oh, you mean those things where the Robo-dialer calls us and tells us if we want to hear you speak, we should pick up the phone and be talked at? That is not a town hall. That is phone spam.
How about a real town hall? You know, the kind with real flesh-and-blood human beings who breathe, walk, talk, and have an opportunity to ask you pointed questions? I know Republicans have a hard time understanding the concept of human (eggs and corporations are not human), but surely someone can help you figure it out.
In all fairness, you do a great job of chasing cameras on right-leaning television and radio programs — propping yourself and your talking points in places completely void of real (human) constituents. Lie #2
3. “Transparency”. If you believe in transparency, why do you run every time your constituents approach you in public? Lie #3
4. “Saving Medicare and Social Security”. Sir, you called Social Security a “Ponzi Scheme”. Lie #4
5. “Reforming Congress”. On your website, you mutilate the intent of the DISCLOSE Act, a bill designed to make Congress transparent, into some kind of vague “free speech” issue, and come out against it. Sir, you wouldn’t know transparency if it were a 200 foot mirror that fell on your head. Lie #5.
I could go on, Sir, but I won’t. Mr. Coffman — stop lying to your constituents. Have a real town hall, open it up to the public, and post it on your website weeks in advance. Your constituents deserve better. Your constituents deserve the truth.