Retroactively

( – promoted by ClubTwitty)

Author’s Note: This diary has been updated every time I thought of a new #retroactively joke.

Ed Gillespie, Mitt Romney’s top campaign adviser, stated Sunday on “State of the Union” that Romney cannot be held responsible for decisions made at Bain Capital between 1999 and 2001, because Romney had retired from Bain to run the Olympics in Utah “retroactively.”

Gillespie may regret saying “retroactively”, since it has become an instant butt of many jokes on twitter, and will soon be on late-night television comedy shows, as well.

This got me to thinking — where would we be if we could all change history retroactively? Imagine all of the blogs that never would have been written if everyone could employ the Republican magic trick of revisionism. Just off the top of my head….

Romney got schooled by his high school’s Gay/Straight Alliance. He feels bad now about bullying the kid with the long hair. #retroactively

The Skipper to Gilligan: Professor says there’s a storm coming. No more tours today. #retroactively

Herman Cain: I only have eyes for my wife. #retroactively

Microsoft: Not sure if Vista is ready to market yet. #retroactively

OctoMom: I’m on the pill #retroactively

Al Gore did invent the interweb. #Retroactively

Donner Party: Let’s just wait and go in the spring. #retroactively

Colorado Springs City Council: Cut everything else in the budget, but don’t touch the fire department #retroactively

Curious George: I should just listen to the man in the yellow hat #retroactively

Christine O’Donnell’s Campaign Manager: Don’t even address the witch stuff. They’re trying to change the frame. #retroactively.

Newt Gingrich’s Campaign manager to Newt: Whatever you do, don’t say “moon colony”. #retroactively.

Kate Gosselin’s publicist: Come on Kate, you and I both know you can’t dance. #retroactively

Miss North Carolina 2007 prepares for the interview portion of the beauty pageant. #retroactively

Ruler of Troy: I don’t trust those Achaeans. Don’t let in the giant gifted horse. #retroactively

Dan Maes decides not to run for Governor #retroactively

Scott McInnis decides to do his own research when his name’s on something, double-checking references #retroactively

Ken Buck answers the question “Why should I vote for you” with “Because I honor and respect women”. #retroactively

John Kerry decides not to go windsurfing ‪#retroactively

DesCartes: I thought, therefore I was #retroactively

Mitt Romney decides not to use the Etch-a-Sketch prop ‪#retroactively

All of Elizabeth Taylor’s ex husbands: Of course I did not forget your birthday! #retroactively

Jesus of Nazareth uninvites on-again/off-again friend Judas to his Passover Seder ‪#retroactively

Titanic crew on alert for large masses of ice ‪#retroactively

John McCain chooses General David Petraeus as ’08 running mate ‪#retroactively

Dick Cheney takes a gun safety course ‪#retroactively

Joe Cocker sings “You were so beautiful” ‪#retroactively

Colin Powell decides to check for evidence of weapons of mass destruction before presenting to the United Nations ‪#retroactively

Howard Dean controls his enthusiasm (and his voice) ‪#retroactively

Janet Jackson makes double checks her wardrobe before the Superbowl performance ‪#retroactively

Matthew McConaughey turns down opportunity to star in “Magic Mike” ‪#retroactively

George W. Bush takes Katrina seriously ‪#retroactively

Arapahoe‬ County Former Sheriff Pat Sullivan “comes out” responsibly and gets drug treatment help ‪#retroactively‬.

John Edwards honors his marriage vows ‪#retroactively

Sarah Palin prepares for Katie Couric’s questions ‪#retroactively‬ ‪

Congressman Mike Coffman ‪censors his true feelings about the POTUS #retroactively‬  

Al Gore decides to challenge 2000 election ‪#retroactively‬.

“I was, I said” Neil Diamond sings his hits ‪#retroactively‬.

Anthony Weiner is being careful to keep his tweet pics private ‪#retroactively‬.

Bill Clinton just offered to have that blue dress dry cleaned ‪#retroactively‬.

Mitt Romney brought his beloved dog into the car with the family ‪#retroactively‬.

Baltimore Colts: Maybe we should hold onto that Elway guy. #retroactively

Harry Houdini to self: I better practice that lifejacket escape trick a few more times before I fill the tank with water #retroactively

Bush tax cuts repealed ‪#retroactively‬

Mitt Romney changes his facebook relationship status with Bain to “It’s complicated” #retroactively

Republicans decide Mitt Romney may not be the best nominee #retroactively

NancyCronk: I’m not going to spend half my day tweeting silly retroactively jokes. #retroactively

About nancycronk

Nancy Cronk is a longtime community activist and women's leader living in Arapahoe County. Six months before the historic "red sweep" election of 2014, she was recruited to run as a "placeholder" in HD37, and managed to bring in 40K from 500 small donors, and 42% of the vote -- just one point lower than the previous candidate who ran in a presidential year.

24 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. “Brownie, you’re doing an unsatisfactory job.” George W. Bush #retroactively

  2. harrydoby says:

    Dan Maes decides not to run for Governor #retroactively

    Scott McInnis decides to do his own research when his name’s on something, double-checking references #retroactively

  3. davebarnes says:

    “Kristol: Romney ‘crazy’ not to release tax returns”

    http://www.politico.com/blogs/

    “George Will: Mitt Romney Is ‘Losing’ Argument On Bain Capital, Personal Finances”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/

    “Romney’s Retroactive Retirement

    A new concept”

    http://littlegreenfootballs.co

    Holy shit! LGF!

    “many conservatives are dissatisfied with Romney’s campaign. They want to hear more, especially on the policy front”

    http://www.nationalreview.com/

    • harrydoby says:

      If he were to release his tax returns or put some meat on the bones of his soundbite-only policy prescriptions.  Even as ultra-conservatives delude themselves into thinking they would have broad appeal.

      Mitt knows it’s better to keep your mouth shut and be thought the fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

  4. allyncooper says:

    Richard Nixon: “I am a crook.” #retroactively

    George H. W. Bush: “Read my lips. New taxes”. #retroactively

  5. Political Junkie says:

    These are great!!  Gave me a good laugh and not retroactively!!

  6. Diogenesdemar says:

    joins a health club. #retroactively.  

  7. Diogenesdemar says:

    gives up cigars. #retroactively.  

  8. “You’re fired!” #retroactively

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