January 25, 2012 12:03 AM UTC

The State of the Republican Party

•  
• by: tjwalker

Today’s Republican Party is full of talented and accomplished leaders, like Governor Mitch Daniels of Indiana and former Governor Jeb Bush of Florida. Sadly, not one of these leaders has chosen to run for President.

Instead, the Republican Party is left with the greatest collection of four clowns since Shemp joined the original Three Stooges.

Witness the following:

1.    Mitt Romney. Romney is so awkward and politically tone death that he makes Michael Dukakis and John Kerry look like Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagan.  Before our eyes, Romney is morphing from a leading candidate for president into a leading candidate to star in a remake of the “Grey Poupon” mustard commercials. Romney might not be a low-IQ, homophobic bigot like some candidates, but he makes Louis the XIV seem like a man of the people. It seems only a matter of time before Romney announces in a debate that the person who had the greatest impact on his life was Leona Helmsly when she said “only the little people pay taxes.

2.    Newt Gingrich. Where to begin? Newt isn’t the most detestable politician you can think of; he is the most detestable human being you can imagine. Period! Newt is the sort of person who if he asked for your permission to marry your daughter or sister, you would offer him a large sum of money to leave quietly and move to another state, or else. If you close your eyes and try to imagine a politician who is utterly repugnant at every single intellectual, moral and even physical level, you would not be able to come up with something worse than a Newt Gingrich.

3.    Rick Santorum. Rick Santorum has all the wit, charm and class of that guy in high school who threw your gay cousin in the dumpster behind the cafeteria. The more you get to know Santorum, as the good voters of Pennsylvania did, the more you want to kick him out of office by nearly 20 points, as the good voters of Pennsylvania did.

4.    Ron Paul. Ever meet a Ron Paul supporter, and not just at a Klan rally or Hitler reenactment party? Have you ever talked to a Ron Paul supporter for 10 minutes? Case closed.

While we at AmericanLP are working tirelessly to support President Obama and all Democratic candidates at the Federal level and we are pulling for every tactical advantage we can get, we have to confess that something doesn’t seem right here. This is starting to seem too easy. It’s almost like the Republicans are throwing away the election needlessly. The four remaining GOP Presidential candidates is the greatest collection of political losers ever assembled with the possible exception of when David Duke dines alone.