Washington Post, still standing:
U.S. Geological Survey has confirmed an earthquake struck central Virginia at 1:53 p.m. It has been felt throughout the D.C. metro region. Am hearing it measured 5.8 on Richter scale…
Curiously, this comes immediately after an 5.3 magnitude earthquake hit near Trinidad, Colorado late yesterday evening. We have no televangelist confirmation of any relationship between these two seismic events, but earthquakes occurring so close together in time in the nation’s capital and the former “sex-change capital of the world”…well, that’s ripe for, you know, interpretation Jimmy Swaggart-style if a thing ever was.
And if we just helped an idiot somewhere make that connection, sorry. Somebody was going to.