June 17, 2009 09:39 AM UTC

Senator John Ensign, R-NV, explains the sanctity of marriage

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• by: Barron X

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In a hastily called news conference, Senator Ensign explains to his constituents that marriage is a sacred institution.  

He reiterated his demands that Senators Vitter, Craig and just about every other Republican in the Senate (they pretty much all are adulterers, he assumed) resign immediately for not living chastely.  

He thanked his wife Darlene for her steadfast support, and explained that some personal family problem kept her from being at the news conference.  

He reminded voters that he had pronounced Bill Clinton unfit to lead because of his infidelity, and said that the nation’s leaders had to live up to higher standards.  

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Oh, and he muttered something about his own sexual harassment of a staff member, committing adultery with the wife of one of his staffers, and being a despicable sinner,

but that was OK,

because God had forgiven him.  Twice.

I figured this would be bigger than the Iran story on Wednesday’s Open Thread, so I created this to give the topic it’s own space.  

If you want to help this Senator –

who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and who helpfully passes judgment on every sort of sinner –  

through this difficult time,

you can donate to his 2012 run for the presidency at

www.Ensign-in-2012.org/suckahs_donate_here.php

Suggest appropriate poll questions for me to add.

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