This Week in Rhetorical Nonsense

John Andrews.

John Andrews.

Listen up, Polsters, we need your ideas!

Politics is full of ridiculous rhetoric, of course, but some diatribes stand out more than others for sheer absurdity. For example, check out the opening paragraph from an email we received this week from John Andrews, outgoing director of the Centennial Institute at Colorado Christian University:

Conservatives put the USA first, liberals the UN. This week’s spectacle at Turtle Bay reminds us why. Another divide: conservatives think character is destiny, liberals think biology is. That led to what may be the mainstream media clunker of the year, aimed at, but deflected by, the Formidable Fiorina. Read on & smile.

Is that some fantastic rhetoric, or is that some fantastic rhetoric? (that’s a rhetorical question). We’re almost positive that this is written in the English language, and we have a rough idea of what Andrews is talking about here… but even after multiple readings, this is still difficult to understand.

We’d like to start a new weekly feature whereby we spotlight some of the best rhetoric we can find, and we need your help. First off, we need a name for this feature, so please fire off some ideas in the comments section below. Please also send us your favorite rhetorical nonsenses whenever you find them by emailing us at

Let’s get rhetorical in here!

15 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. SocialisticatProgressicat says:

    Masterpiece or Masturbation

  2. Diogenesdemar says:

    Rejoice Backboners, idiot our village returned has …

    … Oh, freedom and …

    … or thingsome!!!

  3. MichaelBowmanMichaelBowman says:

    Hearken, fellow bootstrappers: the land of milk and honey poverty awaits (most) you!


  4. FrankUnderwood says:

    Rejoice!!! It's all because of American Exceptionalism that God selected the United States of America to be the recipient of Colorado Christian University and John Andrews' wisdom (not to mention Kim Davis' devotion to Jesus and the Second Amendment) and will cast the rest of the world into the abyss in the final days!  

    In Jesus Name We Prey!

  5. Diogenesdemar says:

    Anyone else thinking that maybe there's at least one good reason that Andrews recently stepped down from CCU??

    (BTW, would Formidable Fiorina have any videos where Andrews is seen making sense?)

    "Read on & Smile", indeed! …

  6. DaftPunkDaftPunk says:

    Read in Centennial Review how (Fiorina) deftly turned it back on Hillary and Bill Clinton without ever mentioning their names.

    Until the next sentence. Daft..or daft.  How stupid are his readers?

  7. mamajama55mamajama55 says:

    Fantastic Fallacies

    Absurd Arguments

    Post Hoc Ergo What the Fock?

    Logical Lemons

    • Diogenesdemar says:

      Post Hoc Ergo, indeed.

      Hey, keep in mind that many of these CCU loons think that last lunar eclipse is the final sign that the end is upon us …

      … At least the Druid clergy knew to take a bath, and save the damn planet!

  8. SocialisticatProgressicat says:

    Words.  In an order.

  9. notaskinnycooknotaskinnycook says:

    Here's a title for you: Words Mean What I Say They Mean

  10. Tazistan JenTazistan Jen says:

    I love this idea.  Gish Gallop award?  That is only one subset of this sort of rhetoric though.

  11. Half Glass FullHalf Glass Full says:

    Nobody cares about John Andrews anymore. He's irrelevant. 

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