May 19, 2008 10:46 PM UTC

O-Bor-Ing, O-Bor-Ing

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• by: JO

Maybe I should have known I’d need some extra jolts of caffeine to stay awake at Saturday’s state Democratic convention. Maybe it was a clue when I saw piles of confiscated water bottles and bananas at the entrance where the “no outside food” ban was being enforced by “World Arena” staff, ensuring a market for $3 bottles of plastic water.

But inside: where, o where, was the passion?

Admittedly the sound system was turned up to Max, and admittedly most speakers nevertheless felt impelled to SHOUT into the microphone, apparently in the belief that deafening Dems is the way to inspire them. (Feedback: It isn’t.)

The only spontaneous moment that I can remember…and I was squinched into my little arena seat from start to finish but for one small break…came when McAuliffe asserted that Hillary had received more votes than Obama (counting last December’s primary-cum-beer-bash in Lower Slobovia). The crowd had been politely listening, but at that point a great roar went up: O-Bam-A, O-Bam-A! (Or was it O-Ba-Ma! O-Ba-Ma?) On and on and on, it seemed. (Prediction: McAuliffe will omit that line from future let’s-join-together pitches for his mistress.)

If I were subject to enhanced interrogation techniques, the best summary of Saturday that I produce would be: “We are Democrats.” Second place would go to: “Let’s elect Democrats this year.”

Granted that time on this planet is granted us to spend in impassioned debate over the majority and minority plank of the Colorado state party’s exact position on U.S. policy on a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian issue, or on whether to insert a comma or a semi-colon after the 12th clause of the 13th sentence of the 14th paragraph on page 15 of the platform, thoughtfully reproduced in 6-pt. type to aid mass memorization (just kidding–it was at least 7 pt type), it was nevertheless disappointing that not a single speaker could really get to what the essential emotional core of being a Democrat is about. Instead we got hours of what sounded like recitations from menus at Aunt Pat’s Snicker Snack Bar, Grill, and All Day Kindergarten (“Proudly Serving the Same Menu Since the Year Dot”).

Indeed I remember hosannas for all-day kindergarten and for giant strides toward providing that service for little kids (well, for for 42% of little kids, as I understand it). And I recall something about new sources of energy that will relieve our addiction to foreign oil, if not oil in general, but I missed the part about a dynamic hell-bent-for-leather program passed by the Democratic legislature to this effect (California efficiency standards, organized carpooling, emergency development of rail rapid transit).

Democrats take pride in coming from a long line of leaders who have given us words to live by: All men (and women) are created equal. All we have to fear is fear itself. I dream things that never were and say why not.

These are words that need repeating, over and over.  We are the party of Yes We Can and Yes We Will. We are the party that that fights injustice in all its forms, legal and economic and social. The party that makes dreams possible for every mother, every father, every kid. The party of We the People.

We needed a song to sing, but at the end, after instructions on how to vote (“don’t break into line”), we were promised: “After you vote, then you can get out of here.”