January 21, 2025 11:52 AM UTC

Scott Bottoms is Doing What Now?

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• by: Colorado Pols

As The Colorado Sun reports, one of the dimmest bulbs in the House Republican Caucus — and there’s a lot of competition there — has decided to take a shot at the top job in Colorado:

State Rep. Scott Bottoms, a Colorado Springs Republican, announced Sunday while he was leading a church service that he will run for governor in 2026.

Bottoms, one of the most conservative and controversial members of the legislature, is the first major Republican candidate to jump into the contest. [Pols emphasis] He has embraced election conspiracies and opposed efforts to protect and expand the rights of transgender people. Bottoms is also a fierce abortion opponent.

“If I don’t get elected, nothing changes except probably four or five bitter sermons for the next few weeks after that,” Bottoms joked to his congregation at the Church at Briargate, where he is lead pastor.

Even though the news that Scott “There is No” Bottoms is running for Governor was reported in a verifiable news outlet, we still couldn’t believe it. But there it is: He’s officially filed and everything!

Bottoms will definitely have his own vote, and presumably the support of a few family members as he unveils his platform in support of underprivileged white men. He’ll likely get a few votes from his congregation — which is used to his inanity — and his buddy at the legislature, Rep. Ken “Dildo” DeGraff, is probably also on board. But with apologies to The Colorado Sun, Bottoms is a “major Republican candidate” like Scooby Doo is an actual private investigator.

Scott Bottoms will not be Colorado’s next Governor. You can write it down with a Sharpie. Hell, you can even tattoo it on your body if you’d like (even if Bottoms were to win, he’d refuse to certify his own victory).

It will be interesting, however, to see how far Bottoms takes this no-hope campaign. If he remains on the ballot through the June 2026 Primary Election, that means he’ll have to give up his seat in the state legislature. Bottoms doesn’t do anything at the Capitol other than waste everyone’s time, so it would be kinda nice to have one less Republican chattering about whateverthefuck.

“Scott Bottoms for Governor: Until the Republican Primary is over!”