Sunday, April 1, 2012
Contact Colorado Pols at firstname.lastname@example.org
GRAND JUNCTION–Colorado Pols, the state of Colorado’s most-read and discussed political blog since 2004, announced the acquisition today of multiple small Colorado conservative blogs and new media sites, along with plans to expand its selection of content to cover more of the political spectrum. Conservative websites purchased by Colorado Pols in the past week include the Colorado News Agency, the Colorado Public Advocate, the Colorado Observer, Complete Colorado, Colorado Peak Politics, and WhoSaidYouSaid.com among others.
This stunning turn of events was made possible after Democrats outraised Republicans 150-to-1 in the 2010 election cycle, as recently reported by Karen Crummy of the Denver Post.
“Once Alex Cranberg bailed to join Team Perry, buying out the entire Colorado conservative blogosphere was surprisingly easy,” said former Gov. Alva Adams of Colorado Pols. “We won the Colorado News Agency from Jon Caldara in a poker game, and we got a great deal on Colorado Peak Politics after appraisers valued that blog roughly equal to the Beavis and Butthead episode collection on DVD. They drove a hard bargain, though, holding out for a copy of Beavis and Butthead Do America: The Movie–which wasn’t included in the boxed set.”
Concluding negotiations with the union representing the Colorado Public Advocate, the Colorado Observer, Colorado Peak Politics, WhoSaidYouSaid, and other conservative blogs, officials from Colorado Pols and Communications Workers of America (CWA) Local 7777 expressed confidence that this new partnership would lead to more and better local political news coverage.
“We were a little surprised to hear from conservative bloggers asking for representation in their negotiations with Colorado Pols,” said CWA Local 7777’s president. “We explained to them that we actually represent lots of Republican workers at companies across Colorado, and they don’t have to tell their colleagues if they don’t want to. That said, we’re very pleased to have secured an excellent compensation and benefits package for them.”
U.S. Senator Michael Bennet, a specialist in the field of mergers and acquisitions prior to entering politics, was deeply involved with both sides of these transactions, and is looking forward to a new Colorado conservative blogosphere “under the heel of Colorado Pols’ shiny jackboot. You can quote me on that.”
“In conclusion,” said former Gov. Adams of Colorado Pols, “you may have heard that our true plan is to run these blogs into the ground, as if they haven’t done a great job of that themselves. If you compare our traffic, it’s clear this talk of ‘competition’ is silly. And given how few of these conservative blogs survive from one election to the next, we’re helping them by buying them out and relocating them to a property that won’t vanish without a trace in December.”