November 08, 2011 07:06 PM UTC

Christo Wins Long Battle To Destroy Arkansas River

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• by: Colorado Pols

You didn’t need it anyway, as the Pueblo Chieftain’s Tracy Harmon reports:

An elated Christo spoke of his happiness Monday after clearing a major hurdle for his Over the River artwork slated for August 2014.

The U.S. Bureau of Land Management’s final record of decision was released earlier in the day ending a grueling Environmental Impact Statement review that amassed more than 1,600 pages of detailed analysis.

It was a huge victory for the artist who wants to suspend 5.9 miles of translucent fabric panels high above the Arkansas River in eight different segments of a 42-mile stretch between Canon City and Salida…

Colorado native Ken Salazar, who oversees the BLM as secretary for the Department of the Interior, announced Monday that he believes the effects of the project can be mitigated.

“After careful consideration of the potential impact to the Arkansas River and the wildlife and plants that inhabit this beautiful area, we believe that steps have been taken to mitigate the environmental effects of this one-of-a-kind-project,” Salazar said. “Drawing visitors to Colorado to see this work will support jobs in the tourism industry and bring attention to the tremendous outdoor recreation opportunities in this area.”

Either that, or it’s going to ensnare bighorn sheep, kill trout and other aquatic life faster than you can say “Summitville,” and drown rafters by the unsuspecting boatload. And we can’t wait to see what a round of golfball-size Colorado hailstones does to this thing. But at long last, French artist Christo might really get to drape his 5.9 miles of very well-secured fabric “Over the River.”

Sorry! We just realized we sound exactly like Dick Lamm thumbing down the 1976 Olympics. None of that bad stuff is going to happen, that’s why they beat the hell out of Christo for all these years to prove it in 1,600 pages or less. It’s going to be great for tourism, too–thousands of artsy French couples in little matching berets filling up hotel rooms and spending their Euros.

After which, since we know Tom Tancredo is getting a little concerned, they will leave.