FPE Candidates’ Debate?

As a nominee myself, I may live to regret this, but I’ve come to believe that if FPE elections are enough of a BFD for an infamous former Polster to try to sockpuppet his way to glory, and enough of a BFD for some nominees to actually campaign outside the site, they’re enough of a BFD for a debate.

Since there are few legitimate policy issues in this election, I suggest that candidates be required to respond creatively to all questions: Haiku, haibun, limericks, iambic pentameter, interpretive dance, photoshop, relevant tunes…?

Of course, I can’t be the moderator–not only am I on the ballot, I’m much too busy looking for c rork’s phone number in the record books of various disreputable Denver businesses and scheduling the press conference where I’ll deny any involvement with that nasty YouTube video accusing MOTR of pole dancing and highlighting nancycronk’s checkered past (did you know she served time in the PENALTY BOX, y’all?!) while pointing out that 20thMaine is really not much different from Maines 1 through 19.

Anyone willing to make a thread and award points? Obviously it’d have to be wrapped up before polls close.

About ProgressiveCowgirl

Colorado native, young professional, progressive cowgirl. 4-term FPE (aka masochist).

20 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. ClubTwitty says:

    Is your position

    On sockpuppetry ethics

    Situational?

    An occaisonal flamethrowing tool

    May show up to stir up the pool

    Baiting then run

    Or spinning and spun

    How will you deal with such fools?  

  2. Ralphie says:

    especially negatively by mentioning MOTR and pole dancing in the same sentence, assures that I will vote for somebody else.  

    But hey, that’s just me.

    Even bringing up the FPE election says that you have too much time on your hands.

    And oh, by the way, there are many legitimate policy issues in this election.

    As far as points go, count the votes.

    • ProgressiveCowgirl says:

      That means the community has accepted me, right? <3

      In Haiku:

      Ralphie the asshole

      Consistent through all seasons

      Makes me feel at home.

      • nancycronk says:

        S/he who pisses off Ralphie goes to the Penatly Box.  🙁

        • ProgressiveCowgirl says:

          I might wind up in the penalty box

          Locked up secure as Fort Knox

          There’s no way they’ll hold me

          Even if they throw out the key

          I’m Jewish–I know how to pick lox!

          • Diogenesdemar says:

            lox is an essential component of my Sunday regimen, but I often am disappointed by the inconsistency of product I get — any tips for agnostic Goyum lox pickers?

            (BTW, I ain’t converting)

            • ProgressiveCowgirl says:

              OK, one’s taste in lox can be pretty individual and subjective–I personally like a stronger-flavored lox, more fishy than smoky, because that goes best with good cream cheese. Oddly enough, if you can go through enough of it, the big black packages of lox at Costco are pretty decent and consistent quality. But if you want really good lox (the kind that you give to your Jewish grandmother when she visits you) you have to go to a good Jewish deli and ask the person serving you how the lox is. I find they will honestly tell you if they have a batch that isn’t quite right.

              I don’t get lox at most grocery stores at all. Costco or deli only. Or if I’m traveling, Trader Joe’s. Grocery store stuff is like you said inconsistent.

              The problem with lox-buying outside New York or Jewish suburbs is nobody hand slices. If you happen to travel somewhere that’s heavily Jewish, pop into a few delis and ask for hand-sliced belly lox. If you can get it, the difference is amazing.

              Be aware: Most delis also have Nova lox. Nova lox is actually brined differently. I like it. Some people only like regular lox. If you like Nova, then Zaidy’s deli in Cherry Creek has really delicious Nova.

              • Diogenesdemar says:

                You almost had me there; “The secret to good lox is . . . Kirkland.”  Yeah, right.

                Actually I’m more than a little bit disappointed, PCG.

                . . . . . .

                Nine days of being battered by the elements on some non-descript Himalayan mountain . . . finally struggling the final few yards, crawling on hands and knees to reach the reach the summit (at 26,000+ feet) . . . breathless and oxygen starved — gasping, gasping with all the remaining effort that I can muster . . .

                “Oh, great yogi of the mountain.  I have travelled these many several months over thousands of miles — crossing oceans and continents, climbing through jungles, deserts, boulder fields, glaciers and finally crawling on my hands and knees to reach your blessed pinnacle.  Please, please, great yogi, If you can find it in your heart — please answer for me just one small question.”

                “Yes, my child, I will answer for you one question.  What would you like to know from me?”

                “Thank you, bless you, great yogi of the mountain — my question is:  What is the secret to a long and happy life.”

                “That is an easy question, my child — Eat more bran.  Have a nice day.”

                . . . . . .

                Why do I have this picture in my mind of you, Blue Cat, and Droll all laughing around a table — “After you tell him “Costco” be sure to add some shit about Nova something-or-other, that should really get the dumbass going.”?

                . . . . . .

                Honest answers that I could have easily accepted:

                “You’ve been deemed unworthy!”

                “We’re sworn to secrecy, sorry Goy boy.”

                “There’s barely enough of the good stuff to go around now, no fucking way am I telling you.”

                . . . . . .

                Still, I think you’ll make a great FPE.  (Oh, and thanks!)

                • ProgressiveCowgirl says:

                  The secret to good lox is go the fuck to New York and get some hand sliced belly lox. But we live in Colorado. We do not have it. Most actual Jewish lox-noshers I know buy the Costco stuff, but it’s not Kirkland brand. The black package with gold letters. It’s average, but most that you get here is below average.

                • ProgressiveCowgirl says:

                  It took me 3 seconds of Googling to find that I’m not crazy.


                  Having grown up in Brooklyn at a time when “hand sliced” lox was the rule and not the exception and lox outsold nova, it’s difficult to find anyplace now that sells anything hand sliced at all, especially around these parts. Zabars is a good place to start. I wasn’t impressed with Barney Greengrass. Though I haven’t tried them, Russ and Daughters on the lower eastside (http://www.russanddaughters.com/pr_salmon.html) is supposed to have phenominal smoked fish. You can also try the New York First website (www.newyorkfirst.com) which has a grocery offering many of New York’s finest foods (you’ll need bagels to go with that lox). However, the cost of shipping from these places is usually as much if not more than the treats themselves. When in need, we purchase the 1 1/2 lb. smoked salmon from Costco. It’s delish, thinly sliced (by a machine of course) and quite tasty. Otherwise, we wait until we visit the City.

                  See? Does that not sound like a lox expert?

                  I didn’t mention the mail order options because–again–Jewish. I don’t overspend even for good lox. I get Zaidy’s Nova lox if my Jewish grandmother will be in town. And then like the lovable pain in the rear she is she eats a BLT instead. That woman may be where I got my frugality, but she certainly is not where I got my generally-kosher tastes…

        • DavidThi808 says:

          If pissing off Ralphie was the criteria I’d be living in the penalty box.

  3. DavidThi808 says:

    What is your view on Russian music videos?

  4. ProgressiveCowgirl says:

    Backroom dealmaking

    Leads me to support c rork

    A qualified man!

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