(Is that Bob Schaffer in the dunce cap? – promoted by Colorado Pols)
9:53PM: Your “Egregious 8,” ladies and gentlemen:
See you next week, when we’ll narrow it down to the “Foul-Mannered Four.”
In the spirit of the NCAA “Sweet 16” games starting up tonight, we’ve come up with a “bracket” of our own, sort of–the ProgressNow Colorado 2010 “Extreme 16.”
It took a lot of work to narrow the field of many (so, so many) strange and extreme statements from Colorado right-wing politicians over the last couple of years. In order to simplify things technically and keep it fun, here’s how we want to select 2010’s Extreme Champion:
The first poll (below), to run through tomorrow evening at 9PM, consists of all sixteen contenders for the title: note that there are no “matchups” in this first poll, the brackets you see above are just for fun. It would be really hard to ask people to choose between, for example, Scott “Leviticus” Renfroe and Dave “Babies Get AIDS” Schultheis, so I’m not going to. You can vote for up to eight candidates in this first poll–you’re on your honor to vote for only that many, and feel free to list your choices in comments.
We’ll go through several rounds of polls: the “Egregious Eight,” and then the “Foul-Mannered Four,” which I’ll post as individual matchups. Leading to the final poll, and the crowning of Colorado’s extremist champion!
Meet the “Extreme 16” contenders after the break.
Kevin Lundberg: An obvious choice, perhaps most notable for his declaration in 2008 that climate change is “predicated on junk science.”
Cory Gardner: Colorado’s foremost on-again-off-again “birther,” has failed to produce his own “long-form birth certificate.” He’s also never met an abortion ban he didn’t like–but curiously, not into maternity care by his votes this year.
Nancy Spence: Poor Sen. Spence, made the mistake of going on Youtube to complain about the “insult” of cutting an exemption she had voted to cut herself during a much less severe economic crisis. Oops!
Dave Schultheis: “What I’m hoping is that, yes, that person may have AIDS, have it seriously as a baby and when they grow up, but the mother will begin to feel guilt as a result of that.” Does this need any commentary?
Doug Bruce: Former Rep. Bruce could be in this list for so many reasons, but probably best for his statement in legislative committee, “We don’t need 5,000 more illiterate peasants in the state of Colorado.” That, and the kicking.
Josh Penry: “Colorado is losing significantly more than any other state,” said Senate Minority Leader Penry in reference to new oil and gas wells being drilled. A year later…how wrong was he again?
Ted Harvey: “All the ABCs and 123s will not teach right from wrong,” Ted Harvey once said in response to a comparison of spending money on schools as opposed to prisons–nice. Oh, and apparently you need to throroughly read anything he sends you from his day job.
Lilly Nuñez: “RESOLVED, that we the members of the Republican National Committee call on the Democratic Party to be truthful and honest with the American people by acknowledging that they have evolved from a party of tax and spend to a party of tax and nationalize and, therefore, should agree to rename themselves the Democrat Socialist Party.” SIGNED, Colorado RNC member Lilly Nuñez, who (believe it or not) has nothing better to do.
Greg Brophy: Apparently, Democrats “manufactured” the global economic crisis (I’m not making this up) as a conspiracy to raise motor vehicle registration fees. If that’s not enough, Obama wants to take your guns, and that’s why we need trigger lock requirements repealed.
Spencer Swalm: Low-income families don’t need tax breaks, says Rep. Swalm, what they really need to do is “Don’t have kids out of wedlock. If you’re married, if at all possible, try to stay married.” He did say later that he doesn’t mean stay with a wifebeater, for example, but the point is pretty clear. (Hat Tip to Rep. Larry “They’re Sluts” Liston)
Shawn Mitchell: Oh wow. I wish I had time to recount all the reasons Sen. Shawn Mitchell is such a creep, but between cracking jokes with witnesses about imagining his female colleagues “in their underwear” and daring committee chairs to have the sergeant-at-arms eject him, Mitchell has proven a role model for sleazy dateless losers everywhere.
Dave Balmer: Even if everybody knows you clear your votes with lobbyists/party godfathers, it looks kind of bad to whip out your cellphone mid-hearing and do so. And as with others on this list, that’s just the latest in a long line of colorful moments (see “The Resume”).
Jane Norton: Has she mentioned that she is the first candidate in her race to call for abolishing the Department of Education? Did you know that Obama cares more about “terrorist rights” than you? And that the whole economy is at a standstill except for “the government?” You do now!
Kathleen Curry: “There are seven Democrats,” Rep. Curry said recently after losing her post on the Appropriations Committee. “I was obviously expendable.” Well, maybe that was what happened, and maybe it’s the fact that you’re not a Democrat anymore? From joining with the Republicans in their budget-cut grandstands to sponsoring a bill intended specifically to make political hay at health care reform’s expense, Curry demonstrated who she stands with in both the literal and practical senses.
Scott McInnis: “I should probably retract that,” gubernatorial candidate McInnis hasn’t said nearly enough–about energy, tax credits, his “dear friend” Rick Perry, eliminating the state Department of Education, billing himself as America’s “biggest Tea Party candidate”…the list goes on and on.
And now, on to the voting!