June 17, 2009 11:35 PM UTC

A Culture of Discrimination

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• by: redstateblues

( – promoted by Colorado Pols)

(Editor’s note: This diary has been in the works for some time now, it was simply waiting for me to have the time to write it all out. I felt it was especially appropriate today given the battle brewing inside the Democratic party between the establishment and GLBT Dems. Barring extraordinary circumstances, this will likely be my last diary as Democratic guest front page editor. It has been a pleasure and a privilege to serve in this capacity, and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to listen.)

“That’s gay”

Growing up in the 1990s as I did, one of the most common euphemisms I heard as I got into my teenage years was calling something “gay”. Being young and stupid, I used to say it a lot–I didn’t know any gay people, and even if I did it was hard to understand why it would be an inappropriate thing to say. I continued to speak in this way until I found myself hanging out with a new group of friends (the ones I continue to be friends with today.) My friend Matt and I were walking into his house, and he told me about how his car had broken down the day before. “That’s gay” I said, not thinking anything of it. Matt, however, stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at me. “Don’t say that,” he said, “we don’t say that.” I stood on his doorstep ashamed of myself. Even though Matt isn’t gay, he had opened my eyes to one of the most common, open, and frequent forms of discrimination in our culture.

My generation is perhaps the first to come of age in an era in which homosexuality is not a secret. Where my parents had found out about gays through the violence of Stonewall, my brother and I watched on television as Ellen DeGeneres’ character accidentally outed herself to an entire airport terminal–while purposely outing herself in real life to the entire country. We’ve watched as gays have affected nearly every aspect of American life (from literature, film, art and fashion, to journalism, science and politics) without having to hide in the closet. Unfortunately, despite this progress, homophobia continues to be rampant–and more than that, an acceptable aspect of American culture.

The tip of the iceberg

As I become more aware of the discrimination visited upon gays on a daily basis, I grew to loathe when I heard people say “that’s gay” or worse, calling people “fag” or “faggot”. As I stopped saying it, I only became more aware of it, and I started to realize that it was everywhere. People weren’t necessarily outwardly homophobic, but they were saying it anyway because it had become part of the vernacular–which in turn made the outwardly homophobic ones far more powerful than they should have been. Because it was common place to use those kinds of words, what used to be a secret boiling hatred of gays turned into a simmering discrimination that laid buried just beneath the surface of our society. Those words were the tip of the iceberg, with the hulking mass of icy hate lurking below.

The 2000s rolled along, and the unresolved issue of discrimination towards gays seemed to be focusing on a single issue: gay marriage. Though there were many on the right who saw gay marriage as an affront to their ideal of what marriage should be, surprisingly enough most of my generation were pretty much OK with it. George W. Bush tried and failed to get a federal ban on gay marriage into the constitution in this decade, and though many states successfully banned it, the writing is on the wall for the anti-gay marriage crowd. Many political analysts–left and right–see it not as a matter of if, but when gays will be allowed to marry. This is in large part to the younger generation being OK with the concept of gay marriage.

Here we find the problem with the GLBT community focusing solely on gay marriage. They will win on this issue one day–few doubt that. The problem lies in dealing with the iceberg that lies underneath the surface. It’s not enough to simply allow gay marriage, or to stop using “gay” as a pejorative adjective, or to stop saying “fag” altogether. If there is ever going to be equality between straight people and gay people, it needs to come in not simply tolerating gays, but in accepting them completely as equal participants in American culture. There will be legal gay marriage in this country within the next 5-15 years, but don’t confuse that with having won the battle for equal rights. Toleration is not acceptance.

Breaking the barrier

Today, like the other members of my generation, I’m an adult. We’ve grown up in a tumultuous, but interesting, time. We’ve had a front row seat to some of the most defining moments in American history, and we’ll surely see far more extraordinary events as we grow old and give way to the next generation. But what legacy can we promise the next generation of Americans on the issue of equal rights? Undoubtedly they’ll grow up in a time of unprecedented tolerance towards gays and lesbians. They will have friends with gay parents, watch films and television programs with gay characters, and as they grow into adolescence they will have gay friends and of course many will themselves be gays, lesbians, bisexual or transgendered.

The bottom line is this: we need to go beyond simple issues-based politics when it comes to GLBT issues. There will be gay marriage, there will be openly gay soldiers, and whatever other political battles remain will be won by gays and their straight allies. However, what needs to happen in this country for there to be equality is not a matter of political will. We need to be working every day to change the culture of discrimination; to open people’s eyes to how wrong it is to treat gays like second-class citizens; to get kids to stop saying something bad is “gay”; to break the barrier between tolerance and acceptance. As long as I live I will be working towards this goal, and I ask every straight person to join me in the fight–not for any issue–but for the cause of human rights; for the cause of equality.

(cross-posted at Square State)