July 14, 2026 12:46 PM UTC

"America's Goth Girlfriend" Joins GOP's 2026 Cavalcade O'Crazy

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• by: Colorado Pols

Sorting through the winners from wonderful to wacky of the Colorado primary elections now already two weeks in the rearview mirror, the conservative Daily Caller reports from Washington, D.C. on the winner of the CO-02 Republican congressional primary to compete with forlorn hope against highly popular incumbent Rep. Joe Neguse in what’s expected to be a Democratic wave this November.

But to her credit, you’ll-always-be-a Republican congressional nominee Kelley Dennison, who bills herself as “America’s Goth Girlfriend,” brings a level of charming unseriousness to her futile campaign that we’re awarding style points for despite ourselves:

A Republican congressional nominee is embracing the internet’s viral designation of her as a conservative “Goth Baddie,” hoping it will inspire young people to enter politics and persuade older voters to look beyond the tattoos and piercings.

Kelly Dennison, the 27-year-old Republican nominee for Colorado’s 2nd Congressional District, told the Daily Caller that if her campaign accomplishes one thing, she hopes it encourages more members of Generation Z to run for office.

“I really hope if my campaign accomplished one thing, I would hope it would be to inspire more Gen Zers to step up and run for public office instead of b*tching all the time,” Dennison told the Caller.

The Daily Caller’s choice to censor the word “bitch” while still using this particular quote is deliberate, so as not to offend their conservative audience while still letting them know that Kelly Dennison is an edgy Gen Z customer. And with that, she’s got fifteen seconds of your attention…

In our experience, races with a hope in hell of actually being won are the races that tend to inspire the next generation to get involved in politics. Otherwise, what you’re running is what’s known as a vanity campaign, which despite the occasional surprise success is not the same thing as a serious campaign for office, and should never be confused for one. In general, our advice for members of Generation Z who would like to change the world is to start with races they have a realistic plan to win, and that is not a Republican running in CO-02 in 2026.

Although Dennison could not predict whether Congress would ever see a goth counterpart to the Democrats’ young “Squad,” she noted that younger Americans have embraced more “unorthodox aesthetics in public spaces.”

“It could be really cool if Congress was filled with goth people,” she said.

Dennison has clearly never been to Washington, D.C. this time of year! If there’s anything the “goth” subculture is not built for, it’s the sweltering heat and humidity of the nation’s capital, weather that melts makeup and turns black clothing into torture that not even the most devoted masochist can withstand. For this reason alone, Dennison’s plan to fill the halls of Congress with fellow goths wouldn’t survive its first full summer.

Dennison said she hopes voters will look past the tattoos, gauges and dark eyeliner long enough to hear her ideas. She recalled overhearing a delegate at the Republican convention whisper, “I’m not gonna vote for her because she is wearing those crazy eyelashes.”

In bemoaning what is sadly going to be the typical reaction from a typical Republican voter, Dennison does unwittingly illustrate the problem the Republican Party faces appealing to the next generation of voters–and notwithstanding Dennison personally, vice versa. But since Dennison doesn’t seem to be concerned with actually winning elections as opposed to the thrill of simply competing in one, our suggestion would be to take her tattoos and gauges to the Libertarian Party where they will be better appreciated.

In a D+20 district, serious Republicans need not apply. But as long as you don’t nominate an actual killer, that leaves room for a little harmless fun we guess.