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Tell the Republicans How to Make Policy!

by: Colorado Pols

Thu May 27, 2010 at 10:58:34 AM MDT

We missed this hilarious story yesterday from our pals at The Washington Post. You've really got to read the entire story, but here's an excerpt:

Republicans want to take over the House in the fall, but there's a problem: They don't have an agenda.
So on Tuesday, they set out to resolve that shortcoming. They announced that they would solicit suggestions on the Internet, then have members of the public give the ideas a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. Call it the "Dancing With the Stars" model of public policy.
Republicans were very pleased with their technological sophistication as they introduced the Web site, America Speaking Out a ceremony at the Newseum. Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, "I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon."
Using lunar software is appropriate, because the early responses to the Republicans' request for ideas are pretty far out:
"End Child Labor Laws," suggests one helpful participant. "We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories."
"How about if Congress actually do thier job and VET or Usurper in Chief, Obama is NOT a Natural Born Citizen in any way," recommends another. "That fake so called birth certificate is useless."
"A 'teacher' told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!" a third complains. "And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story."
House Republicans, meet the World Wide Web.

With this story in mind, we invite you to submit your own suggestions for a new House Republican Policy platform. The best (funniest) suggestions will be narrowed down and put to a vote.

Colorado Pols :: Tell the Republicans How to Make Policy!

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Tell the Republicans How to Make Policy! | 26 comments

Whale = fish

Awesome.

by: redstateblues @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:01:10 PM UTC

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Flying squirrels

are birds. And if my kid's teacher says otherwise, she ought to be fired. We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in the classroom. If it FLIES, it's a BIRD.

by: RedGreen @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:07:52 PM UTC

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The Greatest American Hero

In a democracy, the majority of the citizens is capable of exercising the most cruel oppressions upon the minority. Edmund Burke

10/26/11 Colorado Ex-Pat; S/V Sisu Catalina 30

by: Pam Bennett @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 19:52:38 PM UTC

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Here's the site

http://www.americaspeakingout....

Nerf away! (or is it freeping)

by: Danny the Red (hair) @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:07:40 PM UTC

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You've got a leg up on the Republicans

From Millbank's article:

Rep. Mike Pence (Ind.) contributed to the discussion by twice giving out the wrong address for the new site.

by: RedGreen @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:14:48 PM UTC

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The site appears to be down.

How's that lunar technology working for you, House Republicans?

by: RedGreen @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:46:48 PM UTC

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My suggestion went like this...

"We need to do something about those damnd Liberals... They have put something in our water! When the sprinkler is going and the sun hits it just right... You can see one of those god forsaken Gay agenda rainbows! I realize rainbows after a rainstorm is gods way of saying "I am sorry". but in our drinking water? This is obviously a Liberal PLOT!

"Fake but accurate!" ~GOPwarrior "infrastructure,whatever that is." ~bjwilson83 "You leftist DICK!" ~ Laughing Boy
See you at the polls you dumb bastard.~Libertad

by: Froward69 @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 22:54:21 PM UTC

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This is Hillarious--Post your favorite

Give a pair of truck nutz to all americans! Because there's nothing more manly and american than a pair of balls hanging from your pickup truck. Take THAT Al Qaeda!

by: Danny the Red (hair) @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:17:55 PM UTC

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This is doable

Microscopic capsules of cyanide in flags that break open and release fumes when burned.

Let's get on this, Republicans!

by: RedGreen @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:26:06 PM UTC

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Ha! That'll teach....

people to let their house catch on fire!

"There are a lot of reasons not to elect me." Mitt Romney in a moment of clarity

"I'm Mitt Romney and yes, Wolf, that's also my first name," Willard Mitt Romney demonstrating 'policy flexibility.'

by: ClubTwitty @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 17:41:50 PM UTC

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It was obviously a great idea!

Some other sample ideas:

"Only straight people should be able to mess up adopted children!"
"The Second Amendment is clear: All Americans should be permitted, even encouraged, to own and carry their own concealed tactical nuclear weapons at all times. "
"The nice rich people that stole all my money told me it was actually the brown people. I guess I'll keep voting for those nice rich people, I don't want the brown people to get any more of my stuff."
"Gays are horrible, horrible people, but we can't pick and choose parts of Leviticus, so let's deny equal rights to all people who fall into the following group: Men who shave, anyone who touches a menstruating woman, people who eat pork, people who eat shellfish, people who work on Sundays. They're all horrible, horrible people. "

You'd think they'd understand that the Intertubes aren't safe by now...

"If it was true that the rich and business were the job creators, we'd be drowning in jobs today." -- Nick Hanauer, venture capitalist

by: Phoenix Rising @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 18:07:39 PM UTC

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Uh-oh!

It sounds like the Wonkette war-bloggers are out in force!

History does not repeat itself, but it does rhyme. (Mark Twain)

by: PERA hopeful @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 20:08:08 PM UTC

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And others...

Mario had his listners choosing between "comprehensive immigration reform with a path to citizenship" and "a legal gag on Sarah Palin". The winning proposal was going to be posted to the site and a link for voting it up posted to Mario's page...

I'm sure the fark and 4chan people were entertained by the opportunity presented, too.

"If it was true that the rich and business were the job creators, we'd be drowning in jobs today." -- Nick Hanauer, venture capitalist

by: Phoenix Rising @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 21:08:02 PM UTC

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Actually, that was for sundown Friday to sundown Saturday.

Wrong shabbat you Christocentric blogger, you.

"Politics determines who has the power, not who has the truth." Paul Krugman, 9/2010

by: parsingreality @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 22:44:48 PM UTC

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Translation? What translation?

we should make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans.

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge." --ChuckieD, 1871

by: ardy39 @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 18:15:48 PM UTC

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How about this one?

Complete the danged fence!

The one in Wasilla, that is: http://wonkette.com/415675/pal...

"Why not do the right thing for the American people, even though it's not exactly what we want." - Speaker Boehner

by: Half Glass Full @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 19:32:44 PM UTC

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It should be a national priority

to complete all the danged fences. Unfinished fences are a blight on neighborhoods and can't keep the dogs in the yard.

by: RedGreen @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 19:37:03 PM UTC

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And as we all know...

Good fences make good neighbors.

"If it was true that the rich and business were the job creators, we'd be drowning in jobs today." -- Nick Hanauer, venture capitalist

by: Phoenix Rising @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 19:53:11 PM UTC

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As clear a demonstration of Poe's Law as you're likely to find

Poe's Law points out that it is hard to tell parodies of fundamentalism (or, more generally, any crackpot theory) from the real thing, since they both seem equally insane.

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/P...

by: slapshot @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 19:58:17 PM UTC

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Some of these are easier to distinguish than others

But, yeah, some of them are prime Poe candidates.

"If it was true that the rich and business were the job creators, we'd be drowning in jobs today." -- Nick Hanauer, venture capitalist

by: Phoenix Rising @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 21:06:23 PM UTC

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I've never heard of Poe's Law

but I like it!

It's a sad day when our politicians are comical and I have to take our comedians seriously.

by: ScottP @ Fri May 28, 2010 at 07:48:37 AM UTC

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The only reason

the Democrats won the presidency, the US Senate, the US House, Colorado's governorship and state legislature is because fewer people came out to vote for Republicans last election. Just wait for more people coming out to support Republicans. I'll bet you the results will be different.

"The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out." ~ Marcia Neal

by: WesternSlopeThought @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 23:28:49 PM UTC

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That's a fancy way of saying

The only reason Democrats won the presidency, the Senate, the House, the governor's office and the state legislature is BECAUSE THEY GOT MORE VOTES. So, yeah, if Republicans get more votes the results would be different. This is news?

by: RedGreen @ Thu May 27, 2010 at 23:57:53 PM UTC

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It was an actual

argument that a R made to me recently. :)

by: WesternSlopeThought @ Fri May 28, 2010 at 02:28:05 AM UTC

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Such keen insight

is always impressive...no?

More votes = victory. Damn...who woulda thunkit?

"The modern conservative is engaged in one of mans' oldest exercises in moral philosophy, that is the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness." John Kenneth Galbraith

by: dukeco1 @ Fri May 28, 2010 at 02:38:12 AM UTC

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Recommendation for House Republican Party Platform:

Mandatory lobotomies for everyone. It's the one sure way to swell the party's ranks.

We're all in this story together: Let's make sure that we write it well.
http://www.steveharveyforcolor...

by: Steve Harvey @ Fri May 28, 2010 at 03:46:52 AM UTC

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Tell the Republicans How to Make Policy! | 26 comments