In the sunny dales of Pueblo town, there was great woe.
Repetitive ads whined on all the TV channels. There were portents and signs, saying "Vote Yes” or “Vote No”. The village mailboxes were stuffed with mailers with pictures of sad women and pompous men. Peasants feared to answer their doors or telephones, lest they be harangued by the dread Canvassers . The name of Pueblo was on many tongues all across the nation. Yet none were content.
As I strolled through the formerly peaceful lanes of Pueblo town, I asked how this came to pass. An answer came: “I don’t recall,” an old woman snarled. Confused, I asked a younger man passing in the lane. “I DO recall,” he sniffed, elbowing me out of the way.
Again I inquired, and finally was answered.
It began with madness and great evil, the old woman began. Men killed innocents in Aurora and Newtown, and the makers of the laws looked to prevent further massacres. If madness and evil in the heart were known before the weapons were bought, perhaps the evil could be prevented, the lawmakers thought, and so the Background Check was born. And Lo, King Hick signed the law, and it was good.
And so it was with the law that allowed only fifteen shots before the killer would have to pause and reload. This too, was signed. And the people cheered, and thought it was well done.
But some of the people feared for their weapons. Rumors began that Demon-crats would come in the night and take the weapons away. No, no, we have no use for your wacky weapons, the lawmakers said. Yet, the Worriers would not be comforted, and began to seek defenders against imaginary foes.
Sir Scott of Gessler came to Pueblo to consult with the worried ones. Fear not, he said, your weapons are safe. The lawmakers can be recalled. Recalled? cried the worriers. How? Merely collect the signatures of 11,000 Worriers, said Sir Gessler. And the Demoncrat lawmakers shall go "Poof!" and you need not Worry over your Weapons anymore.
And all across the vales of Southern Colorado, the Worriers collected signatures. In Pueblo, and El Paso, Lady Carno gave generously of her gold, as did the Duke NRA, and the Brothers Koch, and the gatherers of signatures were paid well, and the recalls prospered. The Brothers Head, and Richard of Anglund, all rejoiced, for they sought to Recall Lady Giron, and the Springs village to recall the Morse . Even the town crier, Roper of Chieftain, was well pleased with the recall.
A date for the Recall was set. And the Clerks Ortiz and Williams prepared the ballots, and all was in readiness. Yet, the Lady Marilyn of Marks was oppressed in spirit. Too many Democrats voting here, she complained. Lady Giron is well-loved by the villagers of Pueblo, and Constable Morse of the Springs was elected twice. We need an edge, she said. And the Worriers pondered.
At last, she said, “I have it! Lo, the Democrats do not deserve a ballot delivered to their humble cottages! Let them sweat! Let them stand in line and miss their work and arrange for care for their peasant brats!” “How shall this be?” asked the weaponed Worriers. Simple!” smirked Marilyn Marks. I shall find those who claim to be wronged by the date of the Recall–and when the Judge decides in their favor, ha HA! No more mail ballots for the Demoncrat hordes!
And all came to be as Lady Marks had foreseen.
And now, Pueblo staggers under the cloud of the Recall Plague. Yea, even the Springs of Colorado is plagued by the Recall. The town’s gold has gone, to fund the Recall. Lies and half-truths offend the ears and eyes of those watching the media. Pundits, politicians, infernal interns, and dark money haunt the watering places and flow in the sewers of Pueblo town.
Yet, fear not. All tedious things must end. On the 5th of September, Pueblans may begin to rid their town of the recall plague. In 5 days, ending on the 10th, with enough votes, the recall shall be defeated, Lady Giron and Lord Morse shall triumph, and the Worriers shall find that Lo! Their weapons are still their own.
And Pueblo shall be as a shining city on a hill – or a very dry city in a bowl. And all shall be well.
I was asked to write a letter to the Editor,and this was what came out. Shockingly, neither the Chieftain nor the Gazette wants it as an LTE.