September 26, 2007 02:31 AM UTC

US CONGRESS VOTES TO OUTSOURCE PRESIDENCY

• 5 Comments
• by: Roger D

I got this in an email and thought I would share:

September 30, 2007: Washington , DC (AP) — Congress today announced that the
office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced
to India as of October 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the
President’ s $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $2.4 trillion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

“We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge.”
stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). “We cannot remain competitive on
the world stage with the current level of cash outlay.” Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of
Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the office of President as of
October 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his
Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls , thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night, when few
offices of the US Government will be open. “Working nights will allow me to keep
my day job at the Dell Computer call center,” stated Mr. Singh in an
exclusive interview. “I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be
President.”

A congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address
common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at
all. “We know these scripting tools work,” stated the spokesperson.
“President Bush has used them successfully for years.”

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible
for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
position due to limited practical or successful work experience. A
Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush’s extensive experience
shaking hands, as well as his pleasant smile.