Posts about ken torres

Our friends at Westword have been on a roll this week with their particular brand of political satire. Alan Prendergast has been gleefully deconstructing the “water writings” of GOP gubernatorial candidate Scott McInnis (a story that has been gaining more traction locally after being first reported for months by writer, journalist and Polster Jason Salzman).

Today, Westword turns its goofy goggles towards Republican Cory Gardner, candidate for congress in CD-4, and asks if Gardner is indeed…a Ram Handler??? We’ll let Westword’s Joel Warner explain:

Republican congressional candidate Cory Gardner may have a very colorful skeleton in his closet: As a student at Colorado State University, it appears he was an official Ram Handler, one of the chosen few in charge of primping and pimping the school’s official mascot, CAM the Ram.

If that’s the case, the big question that remains isn’t why did he do such a thing — but instead, why does he now seem to be hiding it?

I scored the tip a few weeks ago. “Cory Gardner was a ram handler!” whispered an anonymous source, making the words “ram handler” sound as dirty and inappropriate as possible. After I’d recovered from an adolescent fit of giggling, I got down to work with my crack investigative skills — i.e., I Googled it…

…In other words, not only was Cory a Ram Handler — grooming his fluffy coat, trotting him around at football games, feeding him piles of alfalfa — but he also apparently enjoyed it! DUM-DUM-DUM!

This is a great send-up of exposing campaign “scandals,” and here’s the payoff:

I gave this third Gardner campaign worker an ultimatum. Either Gardner called me back within 24 hours or I’d be going public about his apparent shenanigans with a fluffy little friend.

“Sure, whatever” responded the woman. Clearly she, too, wasn’t taking my threat seriously. Although now they’ll all live to regret it, since nothing is going to stop me from shouting my discovery to the world:

Cory Gardner was a ram handler!

Not as if there’s anything wrong with that.

We’ve marveled repeatedly at Republican Cory Gardner’s incredible “talent” for self-inflicted political wounds, but the depth of his deafness on sensitive political issues is really becoming fascinating.

Last week, you’ll recall, Gardner had to scramble to un-invite Iowa Rep. Steve King from a fundraiser for his Congressional campaign in CD-4 after figuring out that King wasn’t exactly a great messenger for a General Election voter. But no sooner had the flames started to die out from King’s visit to Northern Colorado (in which he called Gardner “spineless“) than a new target emerged. From the blog Political Party Time comes this tidbit:

On Thursday, June 24, Dan Meyer, a lobbyist for BP, is listed as one of several hosts for a Thursday $1,000-a-plate luncheon at the boutique Hotel George in downtown Washington. Meyer, who’s with the Duberstein Group,  was the Assistant to the President for Legislative Affairs under George W. Bush in 2007-2008.

The fundraiser will benefit Colorado candidate Cory Gardner, who is in a tight race with incumbent Betsy Markey, D, Colo.

Amidst the biggest oil spill in US history, a series of public relations foibles, and public outrage against BP, the company’s lobbyists are continuing to work the Washington circuit.

Good Gravy, Gardner! Are you high? Why on earth would you even want to be in the same room as a BP lobbyist right now, let alone attending a fundraiser with a BP lobbyist listed as a main sponsor?! Even the staunchest Gardner supporter has to be a little worried by his amazing ability to trip over his own feet over…and over…and over again.

UPDATE: They’ve pulled the offending part of the signup form down now, but not before it was saved for posterity fairly widely we’re told. And no, please don’t post all 4,920 names here, that would really clutter up this thread.

Up next, we would assume, will be a carefully-worded statement about how the Gardner campaign takes your privacy seriously, your credit card information is secure if you donated online, really, we swear…

And if we can toot our own horn for a moment–we’re not Colorado’s most widely read and discussed political website for nothing. About 30 minutes after this post went up, the Gardner campaign made the change. If you follow Colorado politics, no matter your political affiliation, then you follow Colorado Pols.

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Republican Cory Gardner is easily the Colorado king of the self-inflicted wound among all candidates running for office in 2010. It seems that hardly a week goes by without another major gaffe committed by his campaign. Sometimes (today for example) nary a day goes by before another screwup emerges.

And here’s the afternoon edition: want to know who’s on CD-4 candidate Cory Gardner’s email list? We’re going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that he doesn’t want you to know with any kind of specificity, but we were surprised to discover a short while ago that we can give you a number: 4,920.

And because Gardner’s campaign website is apparently about as safe as an offshore oil rig, we can give you names, too:

That’s the signup page for Gardner’s website. If you click on the “title” drop-down field on this page, you do get the expected selections of “Mr.,” “Ms.,” etc.–and somewhere around 4,920 first and last names. These are presumably the full contents of Gardner’s email database, information which–in terms of numbers as well as the names themselves–his opponents are glad to have. It’s not like a simple list of names represents an identity theft threat or anything, any more than a phone book does, but it’s just so marvelously stupid. Counterproductive, too–voter file match, anyone?

We could assume that it is safe to do other things, like making a donation, through Gardner’s website, but really, who wants to make that assumption after seeing this screw-up online? In fact, we’re going to go out on a limb here and guess that there aren’t going to be a lot of people entering any information on his website any time soon after this word gets out.

And yes, this is your cue: should probably go ahead and fix that.

UPDATE: More on Gardner’s absence from The Coloradoan, which is particularly notable for the bungling way this was handled by his campaign:

Gardner spokesman Mike Ciletti declined to identify who Gardner met with Monday. The Yuma Republican’s absence was first reported by the Denver Post.

“Cory was meeting with individuals who have an interest in Colorado’s economy and politics,” Ciletti said. “He was meeting with them to introduce himself and let them know there is a fiscally conservative option to Betsy Markey.”…

…Ciletti dismissed criticism from “Democrats who seek to politicize everything to hide their failings.”

He didn’t respond to a question about how many legislative days Gardner would miss for campaign business. [Pols emphasis] Gardner is the minority whip, the No. 4 position in the Republican House leadership.

Gardner’s spokesman didn’t respond to a question about how many days Gardner would miss in the legislature to campaign for Congress instead. Well, here’s a free tip for the Gardner campaign: The answer should be “none.” This isn’t rocket surgery — you don’t go missing a bunch of days in an already short legislative session, when you are in the GOP leadership, because you have something else you’d rather be doing. That doesn’t play well with voters that you’ll need to get elected to Congress, geniuses. And why does Gardner himself have to go to D.C.? Can’t his campaign manager handle it?

The Denver Post’s Lynn Bartels writes for The Spot:

State Rep. Cory Gardner missed Military Appreciation Day at the Capitol because he was in Washington for his congressional campaign, a move Democrats blasted.

Rep. Nancy Todd, D-Aurora, a key organizer of Military Appreciation Day, was shocked that Gardner missed the event.

“Today was also 4-H Day and Rep. Gardner represents such a rural district,” she said. “We’re elected to be here. If he wants to run his campaign, he should resign.”

…Michael Huttner, founded of the liberal group ProgressNow Colorado, said if a Democrat had missed Military Appreciation Day for D.C. campaign events, Republicans would be “going nuts.”

“It’s a slap in the face to the men and women in uniform for Gardner to put his personal ambition ahead of his current job of serving his constitutents,” Huttner said.

Said Pat Waak, chairwoman of the Colorado Democratic Party: “Rep. Cory Gardner needs to decide whether he is going to represent the voters on the Eastern Plains of Colorado, including veterans and their families, who elected him, or pursue his own personal interests in a different office to which he has not been elected.”

“His constituents should be outraged,” she said.

It’s not a huge deal by itself, but Cory Gardner really doesn’t want the impression that he’s neglecting his district to run for Congress to become generally held. That’s always the rub as a legislator seeking higher office, of course, but smart candidates find ways to schedule around obvious ‘gotcha’ opportunities like “Military Appreciation Day.” This is another self-inflicted wound from Gardner, opening himself up, needlessly, to an attack that will no doubt resurface in the primary.

And yes, Dick Wadhams would have a field day with this if Gardner’s name ended in (D).