If Cory Gardner Edited His Auto-Response Letter

Welcome back to the “Editorial Department” at Colorado Pols, where we discuss certain opinion pieces, blog entries, and other assorted commentary.

Today, we take a look at an auto-response letter generated from the office of Sen. Cory Gardner (R-Yuma). In the event that Sen. Gardner actually proofread something that was generated from his office, this is what we imagine it would look like.

Click after the jump to read Gardner’s theoretical comments to a draft of an auto-response letter generated from his office on the issue of healthcare legislation…



Dear XXX,

Thank you for contacting me regarding health care reform. I appreciate you taking the time to write. It is an honor to serve you in the United States Senate and I hope you will continue to write with your thoughts and ideas on moving our country forward.

CG: I like what you did here.


On June 22, 2017, the Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) released a discussion draft, known as the Better Care Reconciliation Act (BCRA), for the Senate’s revision of the House of Representatives’ plan to replace the Affordable Care Act.

CG: Please note that I had nothing to do with the crafting of the BCRA, which is only a “discussion draft” anyway. I realize that it has been widely reported that I was a member of the original “Group of 13” tasked with creating the Senate healthcare legislation, but this is such a terrible bill that I will continue to maintain that I never even got to read the text before it was released to the public. [On second thought, maybe don’t put that in the letter]   


While I will continue to review any proposed legislation, it remains clear that the Affordable Care Act is imploding and it is vital we bring relief to Coloradans. The Senate needs to work together and take the time to get it right for the people of Colorado in order to produce a bill that will rescue Americans from the Affordable Care Act.

CG: Approximately once every 3 minutes, an American child is literally murdered by the imploding Affordable Care Act. Each day, the Affordable Care Act kills more Americans than leprosy and polio combined.

According to the fake news media and the corrupt Congressional Budget Office, 22 million Americans would lose health care access under the BCRA. This is about choice. The BCRA makes it possible for 22 million Americans to choose to forego healthcare coverage. It is your right as an American to accept a slow and painful death from an otherwise-manageable illness.    


It is vital that any health care plan offers states the flexibility they need, while also ensuring stability for Colorado’s sickest and most vulnerable patients. This is why we must reform our severely broken health care system.

CG: Many people claim to have healthcare coverage under the Affordable Care Act, but they are liars. Colorado’s sickest and most vulnerable patients should not have to worry about whether they are going to live or die; they should just embrace death and let the rest of us get on with our lives.   


The instability of the individual health insurance market has resulted in multiple insurers removing plans from the state health exchange for this plan year. As a direct impact, 67% of counties in Colorado have two, or fewer, insurance carriers to choose from.

It seems like it would be scarier if we said here that you can no longer get insurance in Colorado at all. I’m thinking it might also be more effective to say that the Affordable Care Act has imploded entirely. Gives it a little more “umph,” if you know what I mean.


This decrease in competition has had a dramatic effect on Coloradans’ ability to purchase insurance and access care. In Colorado, and across the nation, families have faced significant premium increases. According to the Colorado Division of Insurance (DOI), the average premium in Colorado increased by 20.4% on the individual market in 2017 and there are double digit increases expected for plan year 2018 if we continue our current trajectory. Many Americans today choose not to visit the doctor or purchase necessary medication because they simply cannot afford to do so. This is unacceptable, particularly for individuals with preexisting conditions.

CG: Prior to the Affordable Care Act, insurance premiums had not increased in at least 75 years. Probably more.


As conversations around repealing the failed Affordable Care Act continue, I remain committed to replacing it with common sense reforms that control costs, expand access to care, and protect the doctor-patient relationship, while also ensuring a stable transition and flexibility for Medicaid populations.

CG: Love this! I was going to go with “defunding Medicaid once and for all,” but “stable transition and flexibility for Medicaid populations” is much better.

Also, any chance we could work in the phrase “glide path” somewhere?    


In the future, I will continue to carefully review any proposed legislation as we continue to look at ways to rescue Colorado from the worsening impacts of the Affordable Care Act on our health care system.

CG: I’m not sure about the phrase, “in the future.” I don’t think it makes sense to go ahead and admit that I didn’t actually read any of the draft language for the bill.   


Moving forward, I will continue to support policies that will the lower cost of health care while increasing the quality of care.

CG: Hilarious!


Again, thank you for contacting me, and do not hesitate to do so again when an issue is important to you.

CG: I hope to get a chance to meet you personally during one of my upcoming town-hall meetings. ROFL!!!



This is the auto-response you get from Sen. Cory Gardner’s office if you write a letter about healthcare.

5 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. Davie says:

    Yep, I got my emailed reply above yesterday as well.  Your markup notes capture Cory's essential truths quite accurately.  Good job!

  2. Diogenesdemar says:

    Cowardly Cory's found enough room under the rock where he's hiding (Tora Bora had a vacancy? . . .) to use a blue pencil??? 

    . . . and, he’s not afraid of poking himself in the eye with it?

    . . . a true profile in Republican courage, that Cory! Kudos!

  3. JohnInDenver says:

    Cory's claim: "I will continue to support policies that will the lower cost of health care while increasing the quality of care. I will continue to support policies that will the lower cost of health care while increasing the quality of care."

    I tried to think through the economics of lower cost, higher quality. In project management, there is a standard of getting delivery of the project that is good, cheap and fast — pick any two. Cory wants "high quality" and "less expensive" — which suggests "fast" isn't likely to happen. I guess that could mean long delays in the delivery of medicine: we probably could have better, cheaper nursing homes if there were assurance of 100% use of capacity. To get there, your aunt might not be able to move in until there was a vacancy — which could happen tomorrow or 6 months from now. Your family or friends can care for her until then. 

  4. spaceman65 says:

    Yup.  That's what good ol' traitor boy has sent me.  Twice.  Though he's got a leg up on Coffman, from whom I got a response on energy policy that consisted of an introductory sentence followed by seven paragraphs that each read "Body Text Here."  Followed by a concluding "thank you" sentencing.  So bad it doesn't rise to the level of phoning it in.

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