President (To Win Colorado) See Full Big Line

(D) Kamala Harris

(R) Donald Trump

80%

20%

CO-01 (Denver) See Full Big Line

(D) Diana DeGette*

(R) V. Archuleta

98%

2%

CO-02 (Boulder-ish) See Full Big Line

(D) Joe Neguse*

(R) Marshall Dawson

95%

5%

CO-03 (West & Southern CO) See Full Big Line

(D) Adam Frisch

(R) Jeff Hurd

50%

50%

CO-04 (Northeast-ish Colorado) See Full Big Line

(R) Lauren Boebert

(D) Trisha Calvarese

90%

10%

CO-05 (Colorado Springs) See Full Big Line

(R) Jeff Crank

(D) River Gassen

80%

20%

CO-06 (Aurora) See Full Big Line

(D) Jason Crow*

(R) John Fabbricatore

90%

10%

CO-07 (Jefferson County) See Full Big Line

(D) B. Pettersen

(R) Sergei Matveyuk

90%

10%

CO-08 (Northern Colo.) See Full Big Line

(D) Yadira Caraveo

(R) Gabe Evans

70%↑

30%

State Senate Majority See Full Big Line

DEMOCRATS

REPUBLICANS

80%

20%

State House Majority See Full Big Line

DEMOCRATS

REPUBLICANS

95%

5%

Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors
July 02, 2008 02:17 PM UTC

Gazette Serves Up Chicken Shit, Calls it Chicken Salad

  • 25 Comments
  • by: RedGreen

( – promoted by Colorado Pols)

The last time economic conditions were this bad, Herbert Hoover promised a chicken in every pot. The Colorado Springs Gazette today does Hoover one better, urging a chicken — and a goat and a pig —  in every back yard.

Every day, it seems, consumer confidence, the stock market, the housing market and job prospects take a tumble, while the price of oil, commodities and groceries set new records. Colorado Springs finds itself in a particularly difficult spot, as years of tax cuts have left local government starved for revenue, this year eliminating everything from sheriff patrols to restaurant inspections. Even the county’s suicide prevention program will soon disappear. The Gazette’s solution? Turn suburban backyards into barnyards, and damn the neighbors.

When times are tough, according to today’s Gazette staff editorial, responsible citizens turn not to the government for help but to their ruggedly individual gumption. Self-sufficient urban pioneers, the Gazette observes, raise poultry when egg costs soar, chop firewood rather than pay for modern heat from expensive natural gas, and they walk — miles and miles — rain or shine — when gasoline reaches record prices. This return to a pre-affluent society doesn’t just save money — it builds character.

It’s one of the few positive byproducts of a widespread economic slump.

Luckily, Colorado Springs never got around to banning chickens from backyards, much to the delight of urban hobbyists who have lately taken to raising the birds for their healthy eggs, abundant fertilizer and, apparently, companionship.

Chickens are suddenly cool, and chickens we have in growing abundance.

But the happy confluence of an outdated law and hard economic times isn’t enough for the Gazette.

In a bizarre mix of tough-love compassion for straining household budgets and libertarian zeal to do away with rules for the sake of doing away with rules, the Gazette demands more. It’s not enough Colorado Springs neglected to ban chickens — the newspaper wants the city to overturn bans on “all small livestock that can thrive in urban yards,” including goats, pigs and roosters.

That’s right, roosters, which somehow escaped the city’s chicken loophole. How’d that happen?

It seems a few late sleepers have complained in the past about the cock-a-doodle-doos roosters make in the morning.

Remember that moral fiber fostered by raising poultry? No more sleeping in, either.

“Those who don’t like it can learn to tolerate reasonable use of adjoining private land,” the Gazette intones. Or move to the country, away from the noisy, smelly, festering city.

There’s nothing wrong with a few chickens, clucking quietly and dropping tasty, nutritious eggs every few days. But if enough impoverished residents turn to home coops for their poultry, Springs leaders might figure out why most modern cities ban the critters. Overpowering stench, earsplitting wake-up calls and risk of avian flu could make those $2.50-a-carton eggs look like bargains.

But why stop there? As county living conditions accelerate their downward spiral, perhaps Colorado Springs buses should allow riders to board with their fowl — 25 cents apiece, a full chicken crate for a buck — to more accurately reflect looming Third World conditions. When things get bad enough, goats can ride the bus at adult fares, but are strongly discouraged from eating the seats.

Oh, and that snappy headline on this diary?

“Boys, I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.”

— Lyndon B. Johnson     

Comments

25 thoughts on “Gazette Serves Up Chicken Shit, Calls it Chicken Salad

    1. and de-centralizing our food and distribution systems is a good thing, actually.  I get the snark and all that, but a highly centralized food system is more vulnerable to disease (i.e. how many billions of tomatoes were just tossed, now the FDA doesn’t even know if tomatoes were the culprit) and to intentional mischief.  

      Similarly, more people and more communities producing energy at a local level, recycling and reusing water (rather than feeding it from hundreds of miles away–from my end of the state–to feed your thirsty cities) etc. is the way we have to move in the future if we don’t want all the wheels to fall off the apple cart–or the chicken shit wagon–as it were.  

    1. …and then there are those like the Gazette, and you appranetly, who figure whatever happens, happens.

      Personally, I’d prefer we don’t revert to a 3rd world lifestyle. Having each person raise their own food is incredibly inefficient and that inefficiency leads to a less productive economy.

      This is promoting the regression of society.

      1. I wasn’t really proposing anything of the kind, and I find the term pejorative.  There are certainly other ways to move toward a more decentralized system than having everyone produce their own food.  I just think that many people who immediately attack any attempt to do so as “Third World” are over-reacting.  

        Being able to take care of our needs as close to where we live as possible, especially for essentials like food, water, and energy, enhances our security.  

        1. It does in that it reduces risk of massive destruction from things like disease at large central farms, but it doesn’t in that it makes local food supplies vulnerable to natural disaster. So in addition to losing your house to that flood, you also lose your ability to eat.

          But still, the editorial was talking specifically about things like raising chickens in the middle of the city, and that’s an exceedingly bad idea. Asians raise chickens in the middle of their cities, and they have avian flu crossing over to humans. We don’t.

          1. When I lived in a city, I was glad that there weren’t a bunch of ‘farm’ animals around.  Now that I live in a rural area, there are cows across the street and I’m OK with it.  I raise a lot of my own fruit and vegetables, and I buy most of my meat, cheese, diary (and wine and beer) locally.  I help my neighbors and the quality far surpasses what I would by able to buy at King Soopers or Whole Foods.  Its actually cheaper than the later, for good naturally-raised meat and diary, etc.

            But I stand by the wisdom of more local production.  Clearly the idea would be to secure the vulnerabilities on either end–from both overly centralized and decentralized, which is why I think its entirely wrong to call the effort to do this as ‘regressive’ and ‘Third World.’  I think that figuring some of this out (and again, I’m not really supporting a chicken hutch behind every city brownstone–more like community garden models, local CSAs, etc.) is a step forward, not backwards.  That was my point that I attempted but apparently failed to make.

          2. Sorry, but there’s no logical reason to believe that allowing a few hens is going to lead to avian flu. And believing that this is somehow going backward is nonsense too – are we going to take down our fences, live with scores of people on each suburban lot, get rid of running water and not employ veterinary medicine too?

            That said, I don’t think most backyards will make for good minifarms with goats, sheep and roosters, what with all those chemical Stepford lawns and some seriously small plots. My yard would be okay for that but I don’t see it working in any subdivision that’s less than 30 years old.

            1. But then I have a barn bigger than most houses and live on a small suburban ranch.

              Fresh eggs are great.  I have actually had Green eggs and Ham.  Sam was wrong, they taste like any other egg.

              The green eggs come from our auraconas.

              When my wife first got the auraconas, and brought the green eggs into the house and started to cook them I asked her what it was.  She said they’re eggs from the new auracona’s I got at the auction.  

              I thought she said Anaconda’s , and I informed her in no uncertain terms that I not only wouldn’t eat them, I vowed never to go into the barn again until she got rid of them.

              About 5 minutes later when she stopped holding her sides and gasping for air from laughing, she explained that auracona are a type of chicken, and she had bought 3 new laying hens.  

              Well of course I knew that, but I didn’t want to spoil the joke.

              1. That’s hilarious. Do you harvest the goose and duck eggs too? My mom grew up on a ranch in east Texas, so we had a revolving cast of chickens, ducks and rabbits in our suburban Denver backyard. Even for a few years a pair of chinchillas, picked from hundreds rescued by the Humane Society from an unscrupulous suburban furrier.  

  1. When I lived in LA in one particular house, our neighbors were Middle Easterners.  Can’t remember the origin.  Anyway, they kept a couple of sheep for slaughter at the back property line.  The Sepulved area used to be large lots and a lot of suburban farming after the war.  (Think Bing Crosby and “San Fernando Valley”, 1944.)

    We complained to zoning.  Turns out the law had a bit about said critters being, I think, 100 feet from any dwelling. The sheep were at about 110, IIRC.

    NOT good neighbors.

    1. Nothing wrong with the law as is. It’s the Gazette’s call to expand backyard ranching to include, at a minimum, roosters, pigs and goats — and damn the effects on neighbors or property values — while lauding the urban barnyards as an effective response to trying times as county services shut down left and right. No one’s arguing with fresh eggs or tomatoes ripe on the vine. But if the Gazette cheers the appearance of streetcorner apple vendors, you can expect more comparisons with the policies of Herbert Hoover.

Leave a Comment

Recent Comments


Posts about

Donald Trump
SEE MORE

Posts about

Rep. Lauren Boebert
SEE MORE

Posts about

Rep. Yadira Caraveo
SEE MORE

Posts about

Colorado House
SEE MORE

Posts about

Colorado Senate
SEE MORE

58 readers online now

Newsletter

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter to stay in the loop with regular updates!