December 19, 2010 12:22 AM UTC

Beatitudes Plus

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• by: JO

For a long time, a couple of millenia, we’ve had eight Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3: Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Etc.

Surely it’s time to update the list, maybe to a baker’s dozen. Here are some possibilities:

Blessed are the Tax Cutters, for they shall inherit the Deficit.

Blessed are the Moderates, for they shall Run in Place and Accomplish Nothing.

Blessed are the Tea Partiers, for they shall enjoy the Bliss of Ignorance.

Blessed are the Ignorant, for they shall be invited to Tea Parties.

Blessed are the Republicans, for they shall move forwards in reverse.

Blessed are the Boehnerites, for they shall shed false tears yet never be dehydrated.

Blessed are the Bennettistas, for they shall be Bought and Paid For.

Blessed are those who don’t ask, for they shalt be told anyway…over and over. (Ooops! Is that a candidate for the Cursitudes? TBD.)

More nominees before the polling place closes sometime or other when it suits the judges?