November 22, 2010 11:04 PM UTC

R.I.P to my dog Sassy - a Stephen Colbert Hater

• 18 Comments
• by: wade norris

a brief aside from the world of politics…

my dog Sassy died last night at the ripe old age of somewhere between 15 and 19. I am not sure because I found her freshly run over in Fayetteville, NC in 2007 (on a 6 lane road). Later, the vet could only say she was at least 2 but maybe as old as 4 or 5.

Besides being incredibly lucky, she was also incredibly loyal to me, and incredibly angry with Stephen Colbert’s ‘humor’

The night I found her, it was Spring 1997. I saw her as I was turning in next to the Rose Wedding chapel. I stopped traffic and got her out of lane 3, with cars driving right past her on both sides. When I picked her up, she bit me on the head and neck (foretelling start)

She had no collar, and had never been bathed and was starved.

When I saw this scene in the 25th Hour, it was like watching that night – without the large russian and cool car and being a badass like Ed Norton – but the dog – looks and sounds just like Sassy.

After rescuing her, I was sitting beside the road with her in my lap with my friend Kent, and others who had gathered, who all had things to tell.

The Taco Bell manager said a man in a nearby house saw her sniffing his garbage (for food) and kicked her, which caused her to run into traffic.

Another man in a cowboy hat, who was deaf, indicated with limited words and gestures that he saw a sedan run right over her, just before I pulled up.

After hearing from the Animal Control officer that they were underfunded and had no pain pills and that she would merely be kept 5 days and put down, Sassy, who was sitting in my lap, lifted her head and put her head on my chest, as if to plead for her life.

I decided then to at least take her to the vet to be humanely put down.

But the vet and I were shocked to discover that the X-rays revealed not a broken spine, but 2 broken hips, leg and a sprained tail – all injuries that mimicked paralysis.

Also, her breaks were evenly lined up, so the only treatment was pain pills and letting her knit on her own.

I let her knit outside – taking her food and water, and moving her place to place to use the potty.

Every night she barked at passers by – already starting to guard the area (which is where she also got her name from) – I remember the Hale-Bopp being overhead every night. She started to mend, after a week she could wag her tail, 2 weeks – stand on one foot, 3 weeks – walk – a month – run.

I eventually moved to Durham for School, and I would take her running on Duke’s campus. She could run miles and miles after she mended. She even could catch squirrels.

I found out from a country dude in NC that she was a ‘rat terrier’ who are natural squirrel hunters – and when I was shocked to hear that certain dogs are bred to catch squirrels, he said

“Boy, ain’t you ever had any squirrel pastry?”

uh, no.

She was the most loyal dog I have ever known. She wanted to be beside me at all times, bit other dogs who got too close, showing a fearlessness that is still hard to believe – she even whooped a pit bull once!

She also had a knack for finding free food. Believe it or not, once while walking by a KFC she smelled chicken in the industrial dumpster. Before I could do anything, she jumped, put her front legs in the holster where the trash truck picks it up, and propelled herself into what must have been Sassy Chicken heaven. Needless to say, I could not get close to her until she had eaten to the point of contentment.

You probably think she is a little off by now, well she was. But she wasn’t full blown crazy, just a survivor with unique survival skills.

this is crazy…

When I moved to Denver in 2000 to work in politics, my Grandparents kept her for 6 months during the campaign. My grandfather was going blind and could not write any more, so they sent me a cassette recording to say hi and have a message from a barking Sassy.

Turned out that was the only voice recording ever made by my grandfather – who died that year. Just another little reason why I was grateful to have found Sassy.

As she got older – (remember 15 is 105 and 19 is 133 in human years), she got a little deaf, blind and her hips became arthritic – but she always wanted to bark at Stephen Colbert, ‘go outside!’, and eat cheese – her favorite treat.

In fact she went out choking while eating a piece of cheese. I suppose that’s fitting, she probably would have liked it that way.

R.I.P Sassy, I know you’ll be up in heaven waiting to bite friends and relatives who least expect it.

I saw a bumper sticker recently, with a dog and a cat on it.

It said

“Who rescued who?”

True.